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Apr 25 17 1:19 PM

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I identify as gay because I have sex with men.  But, I do not think that I am gay in the traditional way men are gay.  

I think that for most gay men, gay sex is an expression of their desire for men and their love of men’s bodies.

I definitely desire men’s bodies, but I enjoy gay sex for an additional reason.  I think that I enjoy gay sex because, for me, it lets me act like a girl.  When I engage in gay sex, I imagine that I am a girl.  I feel satisfaction when a boy climaxes.  I feel accomplishment.  Preforming gay sex (i.e., being a "bottom") is not physically satisfying for me, but it is very emotional satisfying.  (I hope that anal sex will become more satisfying as I become more experienced.)  Right now, I do not even try to obtain physical satisfaction.  I just want the boy I am with to be satisfied. 

When he is finishes having sex with me, I want him to want to be with me.  I want him to want to protect me.  I want a man to want to be in a relationship with me. 

Being in a gay environment allows me a social freedom that I did not have in the heterosexual world.  In the gay world, I feel that I am the object of desire.  I am a sex object.  Men stare at my ass.  Men want to kiss me and feel me up.  They want to get their hands in my pants.  They want to get me drunk and take advantage of me.  They want to push me in a dark corner and have their way with me!

I feel free to wear ultra-skinny jeans with a cropped top or very loose tank top that allows men to see my nipples.  Gay men’s bikini underwear (i.e., panties) is designed to make my butt look huge and juicy and push my penis out for all to see.  (I still need to find gay men’s panties in microfiber.)  I can wear legging at the gym.  Gay swimwear is intended to incite guys to grab for my penis and butt.  My gay swimwear barely covers my penis and falls in back between ass cheeks.  I can wear my hair in pixie cut and color my hair.  I can wear nail polish.  I can have both of ears pierced and wear long, dangly earrings.  I can wear eye makeup and lip gloss.  I can use feminine mannerism and voice inflection.

No straight man has this kind of freedom.  

Last Edited By: harry2793 Apr 25 17 3:00 PM. Edited 2 times

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Apr 26 17 11:36 PM

And why on earth not!

Do what feels good for you, as long as you do no harm to others, and you do not, as far as I can see.

It is interesting to note that the feelings you report are not that different from the ones reported by many studies of female sexuality:

1. Being desired increases ones own desire ("feeling sexy")
2. Loving the feeling of being protected
3. Valuing the feeling of cuddling and small talk

Some will probably ask: What kind of sexual orientation is this? Is "he" gay or not? Is "he" bisexual? Is "he" a straight man? I have come to the point where I say that it really does not matter.

The more interesting question is: How trans are you? Do you want to transition?

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