Apr 25 17 8:15 AM

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I am reintroducing myself!  I originally posted here as harri.

I somehow logged out, and . . . and long story short, I could not log back in as harri.

Instead, I created a new account: harry2793.

I could not log back in because when I am expressing my crossdreaming self, my brain barely functions.  I like to refer to this as having "blonde moments."

But, in reality, the terror I feel when I am expressing my feminine self stops me from thinking clearly.  To give you an idea of the extent of my terror, I have a graduate degree in information science, but I cannot figure out how to recover my password!

My terror makes it very difficult for me to function in social situations with other transgender people.  I want to express my feminine self when I go out dressed somewhat feminine (e.g., ultra skinny jeans, a loose-fitting blouse, a scarf, a big handbag, jewerly, and flats), But, I have trouble talking with people.  If I talk, I tend to "act masculine" in conversations.  I am too embarrassed or terrified to express myself in a feminine way.

I have been working on this problem with a therapist.  Originally, I think my therapist believed that I was a transsexual and that I should transition to female.

Lately, with the acceptance of identities such as genderqueer and nonbinary, my therapist seems to realize that my desire to be treated like a girl and express femininity is "normal."  My feeling of self-loathing for my femininity is the problem. 

I hope that I can get to a place where I can go out socially as a feminine man and actually enjoy being feminine.


Last Edited By: harry2793 Apr 25 17 10:13 AM. Edited 5 times