Apr 7 17 9:24 AM

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I am one second old, a doctor looks between my legs, calls me a boy, and from that observation, my entire life is set.  The world thinks it knows my personality.  I can only play one part: masculine male.
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#3 [url]

Apr 7 17 6:01 PM

What would you have preferred harri?

I would have preferred:  "You have a healthy child!"

Then, my parents would observe my behavior, and I would be allowed to go my feminine way.  Eventually, my mom would teach me to cook and about beauty and fashion.  I would hang out with her, and we would have fun together while my dad and my brothers played contact sports and got dirty.

I would play with girls and other femme boys at school.  

The boys and butch girls would go play football and baseball.  


Last Edited By: harri Apr 7 17 6:26 PM. Edited 1 time.

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#4 [url]

Apr 7 17 6:16 PM

Do I think I have to be a masculine male?

I think that, in my generation, that boys were given only one choice: Aggressive masculine.  

I think that things have changed a little for boys and men.  Men now can be more loving and caring.  A man can stay home with his kids.  He can marry a women with more education and higher paying job.

I do not think that men can get away with being femme in many ways -- sexually, clothing, grooming. 

I think that things have changed completely for girls.  I think that girls can be both (i.e., femme in the sheets and a butch in the streets).

If men and boys had the same latitude that girls and women have, I would be completely satisfied.

Last Edited By: harri Apr 8 17 7:32 AM. Edited 2 times.

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#6 [url]

Apr 8 17 9:18 AM

what generation are you?

I am 56 years old.

I feel old.  I do not like to go out at night to hang with the cool genderqueer kids because I am exhausted from the day.

I would love to hang out with older femmes.  

There is a group for older queer men at my local gay community center.  I have been to the group, and it did not good well.  I told them that I identifed as a femme.  Other men in the group explained to me that they are not sissies. I did not return.

Last Edited By: harri Apr 8 17 9:24 AM. Edited 1 time.

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#8 [url]

Apr 8 17 9:38 AM

Harri, There is no doubt that some gender stereotypes still remain. This is even true in large parts of the trans community. A lot of people think you have to fit into a particular box by looking and acting in very specific ways.Unfortunately, for many of them, that looks like a 1950s sitcom vision of being a woman. There is also a fair amount of ageism in the trans community, and there is social pressure for those of us who are over 30 to be rather low key in our presentation. To me, this is all about what we feel inside, and not about what others think we should be. The way out of that is to listen only to our inner voice and let that guide us. There are plenty of people who will embrace our desire for freedom and individuality in and out of the LGBT world.

Last Edited By: April Apr 8 17 9:42 AM. Edited 1 time.

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#10 [url]

Apr 8 17 11:56 AM

I wish I could relate, but things went differently for me.

When I was a young boy, I was pretty happy with my Gender.  It wasn't until the summer before I started 7th grade that things changed for me.  I started crossdreaming at that time and feeling horribly jealous of the girls in my class.  They were becoming pretty and I felt like I was turning into this gross hairy thing.

But even then, if asked, I would have said I was happy being a boy.  But slowly, over time the crossdreaming tore that down.  Now, in my thirties, I find myself more and more wishing I had been born a girl.  It is infuriating.

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#11 [url]

Apr 8 17 12:28 PM

Harri wrote, "The world thinks it knows my personality. I can only play one part: masculine male."

So you're not upset that the doctor recognizes the physical reality that you have a penis - or do you? Are you trying to say that the expectations of gender role is what makes you more upset? I totally get the latter but here's the thing - I recognize that I am a product of the gender-binary cultural indoctrination. I accept that there is men's stuff and women's stuff without really too much of a fight in my head. However, intellectually I do question this and I love taking to gender queer kids about what they are feeling and you know what! At the core it is not that much different from the way I feel. There are times that I feel more comfortable in the male role and there are times I feel more comfortable in the female role - and yeah I do probably have feelings that are a bit of both at any one time as well - whether I recognize them as such or not. But when I examine my own feelings I am always making comparisons to the way I was brought up. There was man-stuff and there was the women's stuff.
I felt a bit alienated from my father for much of my life and I was much more emotionally closer to my mom. I connected with my father on an intellectual level. There were very few activities that we actually enjoyed together, but I tried to make the most out of the ones we did. Also, I used to make fun of my mom because of how emotional she was - she got it from her mom :D This was something I did not understand when I was young - but I understand it now. I am not on HRT but I am a lot more emotional now than when I was 20. If I had been born a girl I think I would have been a lot more like my mom because now later in life I sometimes cannot help myself when I experience joy or sadness.
Showing such emotion is not acceptable for a man - but I found that that is part of me.

Last Edited By: Bobbi Dare Apr 8 17 12:30 PM. Edited 1 time.

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#12 [url]

Apr 8 17 12:43 PM

Childhood Playmates

When I was a small boy, I had two friends, a girl and a boy who later grew up to be gay.  I was a little boy who dreamed of becoming a girl.  I have found my childhood girlfriend on Facebook. We share a lot together, in spite of having missed each other for most of a life time.  Basically, I haven't changed; she hasn't changed.

So be yourself.  You choose who and what you are, and fuck society if it can't understand you.


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#14 [url]

Apr 9 17 1:52 PM

I don't think having binary genders is a bad thing at all. I think rigidly adhering to a set of expectations simply because one is a boy or a girl is potentially toxic. Thankfully, I did not grow up in that kind of household. My parents and family love me even though I dress as a girl sometimes. But for others I'm sure it was much different.

Me personally, and this may sound bad, but I don't believe in the non-binary stuff. It doesn't change the fact that physically you're either male or female. When I dress up, I like to go by Leah and use female pronouns, but it's for fun not because I'm actually a chick.

If it turns out I'm transgender, then that will change. But I don't like getting rid of masculinity and feminity is the answer. I think the majority will always fit the traditional bill of that binary, but there just needs to be wider acceptance for those who feel differently. No big deal.

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