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Mar 31 17 9:49 PM

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So I made my proper introductions about a week ago.

I'm a male, but I go by Leah on here. And I fit the category of both a crossdresser and crossdreamer. 

Where it goes wrong, is the fact that I've been looking at TG erotica, fiction, comics, and stories since I was 12 or 13. I'm addicted to them and I can't get off to anything else. I feel defunct sexually, and every time I have a girlfriend I can't properly perform or get excited at the prospect of being intimate with her. And while I do have certain fantasies that are BDSM related and perfectly fine to have, the internet shit is killing me.

I mostly go on deviantart and a few other sites. I need to get off this stuff because not only can I not stay away, but it's leading me into other more extreme stuff that I would never do or want to do in real life. It's stressing me out and I know I'll never be able to be with another person if I keep looking at this shit.

Any advice from anyone?
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#1 [url]

Apr 1 17 1:16 AM

Personally I think if one is stuck in a behaviour pattern you don't want to be in - and I mean the effects of the whole pattern; presumably individual parts of these sites you enjoy - then get down a list of all the things you thing not looking at these sites would give you and their advantages and things you are missing out on .. and compare the list

This does sound very scientific - I wish I followed my advice and,for example cut down the chocolate intake and so lost weight

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#2 [url]

Apr 1 17 6:04 AM

Welcome! It might also be that by allowing your crossdreaming and crossdressing have a more prominent place in your life, the compulsory nature of the fantasies will deminish or go away altogether. That's what happened to my husband when he came out to me. I'm not saying you need to come out, but see if this side of you can have more space in your life and see what happens.

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#3 [url]

Apr 1 17 8:06 AM

sallymolay wrote:
Welcome! It might also be that by allowing your crossdreaming and crossdressing have a more prominent place in your life, the compulsory nature of the fantasies will deminish or go away altogether. That's what happened to my husband when he came out to me. I'm not saying you need to come out, but see if this side of you can have more space in your life and see what happens.

Well technically I'm already out. Everyone already knows I'm a crossdresser. I just suck at makeup and in addition to that I easily get intimidated going out as Leah, which is one of the many reasons I don't believe I'm transgender. I don't feel more comfortable as a girl in public.

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#4 [url]

Apr 1 17 8:27 AM

Leah Grace wrote:

sallymolay wrote:
Welcome! It might also be that by allowing your crossdreaming and crossdressing have a more prominent place in your life, the compulsory nature of the fantasies will deminish or go away altogether. That's what happened to my husband when he came out to me. I'm not saying you need to come out, but see if this side of you can have more space in your life and see what happens.

Well technically I'm already out. Everyone already knows I'm a crossdresser. I just suck at makeup and in addition to that I easily get intimidated going out as Leah, which is one of the many reasons I don't believe I'm transgender. I don't feel more comfortable as a girl in public.

The best way to get around being uncomfortable is to jump into the water with both feet. Just completely own who you are, but continue to work on improving your presentation at every opportunity. Don't be afraid to experiment, even after you start to get a look that works for you. The execution will come around.

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#5 [url]

Apr 1 17 2:05 PM

April wrote:

Leah Grace wrote:

sallymolay wrote:
Welcome! It might also be that by allowing your crossdreaming and crossdressing have a more prominent place in your life, the compulsory nature of the fantasies will deminish or go away altogether. That's what happened to my husband when he came out to me. I'm not saying you need to come out, but see if this side of you can have more space in your life and see what happens.

Well technically I'm already out. Everyone already knows I'm a crossdresser. I just suck at makeup and in addition to that I easily get intimidated going out as Leah, which is one of the many reasons I don't believe I'm transgender. I don't feel more comfortable as a girl in public.

The best way to get around being uncomfortable is to jump into the water with both feet. Just completely own who you are, but continue to work on improving your presentation at every opportunity. Don't be afraid to experiment, even after you start to get a look that works for you. The execution will come around.

Hi, April. It's very nice to meet you and may I say what a beautiful woman you are.

I'm actually curious, do I sound like a guy who's just addicted to internet bullshit, or is there something deeper here? I've wondered for awhile if I might be a girl.

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#6 [url]

Apr 1 17 2:47 PM

I don't think there is anyone who is just a guy who is accidentally addicted to internet bullshit, I don't think it really works that way. 

I used to I suppose, coz I never thought about it that deeply, and I used to sort of believe in that kind of Freudian bullshit about a boy having an absent father and over identifying with the wrong parent, and the normal personality somehow developing skewed, as though we all started out being a blank slate, and would have been cis-het, and then all the wrong stuff just happened to us in childhood, conditioning us wrong until we were just stuck like it as adults or something. 

But then I figured out what men and women are probably 'supposed' to look like, and basically a lot of us are just 'wrong' from the get-go, so it's hardly surprising if we often don't actually feel what we think we ought to and do feel things we think we ought not to, and for centuries people have been being made to feel insanely guilty and punish themselves and other people unnecessarily due to masses of religious bullshit, which honestly sucks. 

Coz you know, long before it was anything sexual I was hardly a regular boy, and most of the other boys around me seemingly knew that, even if I didn't know what the heck was really going on, there were adults who singled me out, and adults who in hindsight seemed to be protecting me, but there was always something keeping me apart from everyone else. 

So I don't know enough about you to be able to tell from a 'mind-print' of your whole personality, but send me a photo by private message, face on and in profile ideally, and I'll tell you what I think and promise not to share it, or don't, no pressure. ;-)

Last Edited By: Xora Apr 2 17 12:24 AM. Edited 1 time.

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#7 [url]

Apr 2 17 2:54 AM

Leah Grace wrote:

sallymolay wrote:
Welcome! It might also be that by allowing your crossdreaming and crossdressing have a more prominent place in your life, the compulsory nature of the fantasies will deminish or go away altogether. That's what happened to my husband when he came out to me. I'm not saying you need to come out, but see if this side of you can have more space in your life and see what happens.

Well technically I'm already out. Everyone already knows I'm a crossdresser. I just suck at makeup and in addition to that I easily get intimidated going out as Leah, which is one of the many reasons I don't believe I'm transgender. I don't feel more comfortable as a girl in public.

I'm so glad you're out! That makes everything so much easier.

I used to suck at makeup too. For my sister's 40th (!) birthday we both booked an apointment with a makeup specialist (I know... late bloomer.). We learned to do a descreete yet professional looking daytime makeup and how to vamp it up a liitle for parties. It was very interesting -- I learned about the shape of my face, the colours that suite me etc. Maybe that would be an idea?

As for being uncomfortable as a girl in public, many cis girls are uncomfortable too. I know I often am -- not feeling confident in my clothes, uncertain about looks from strangers etc. Maybe that's sometimes part of what it's like to be a girl?

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#8 [url]

Apr 2 17 3:55 AM

As for being uncomfortable as a girl in public, many cis girls are uncomfortable too. I know I often am -- not feeling confident in my clothes, uncertain about looks from strangers etc. Maybe that's sometimes part of what it's like to be a girl?


I think you've pretty much nailed the problem right there, everyone is acting, no one knows what it actually feels like to be anyone else, and everyone pretends to be more confident than they are. 

So erm, maybe you are a girl already, you just think you aren't, and what you already experience is just what being a girl actually feels like, and it ain't so great as you imagine it ought to be. But maybe, just sometimes, it's worth all the hassle. ;-)
Well I hope so anyway..

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#9 [url]

Apr 2 17 12:58 PM

sallymolay wrote:

Leah Grace wrote:

sallymolay wrote:
Welcome! It might also be that by allowing your crossdreaming and crossdressing have a more prominent place in your life, the compulsory nature of the fantasies will deminish or go away altogether. That's what happened to my husband when he came out to me. I'm not saying you need to come out, but see if this side of you can have more space in your life and see what happens.

Well technically I'm already out. Everyone already knows I'm a crossdresser. I just suck at makeup and in addition to that I easily get intimidated going out as Leah, which is one of the many reasons I don't believe I'm transgender. I don't feel more comfortable as a girl in public.

I'm so glad you're out! That makes everything so much easier.

I used to suck at makeup too. For my sister's 40th (!) birthday we both booked an apointment with a makeup specialist (I know... late bloomer.). We learned to do a descreete yet professional looking daytime makeup and how to vamp it up a liitle for parties. It was very interesting -- I learned about the shape of my face, the colours that suite me etc. Maybe that would be an idea?

As for being uncomfortable as a girl in public, many cis girls are uncomfortable too. I know I often am -- not feeling confident in my clothes, uncertain about looks from strangers etc. Maybe that's sometimes part of what it's like to be a girl?

I'm glad I'm out too. But being out presents a different set of problems as opposed to when you're hiding.

With makeup I'm just lazy. In real life I present as a guy like 98% of the time, so there's no incentive for me to learn. So I just get other girls to do it, which limits the amount of times I dress up.

And I think being uncomfortable presenting in public as a girl has a lot to do with perception and my role. I present as male so often, it's default for me. It's easy and comfortable, so presenting as a girl (with a deep voice and an adam's apple) is like a whole new world for me. 

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#10 [url]

Apr 2 17 1:01 PM

Xora wrote:

As for being uncomfortable as a girl in public, many cis girls are uncomfortable too. I know I often am -- not feeling confident in my clothes, uncertain about looks from strangers etc. Maybe that's sometimes part of what it's like to be a girl?


I think you've pretty much nailed the problem right there, everyone is acting, no one knows what it actually feels like to be anyone else, and everyone pretends to be more confident than they are. 

So erm, maybe you are a girl already, you just think you aren't, and what you already experience is just what being a girl actually feels like, and it ain't so great as you imagine it ought to be. But maybe, just sometimes, it's worth all the hassle. ;-)
Well I hope so anyway..

I mean I'd love to be a girl, the thought gives me an erection haha, which is why I'm here, because this stuff turns me on so much. But in all probablity I'm a boy.

Are you transgender btw?

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#11 [url]

Apr 2 17 1:39 PM

Leah Grace wrote:

April wrote:

Leah Grace wrote:

sallymolay wrote:
Welcome! It might also be that by allowing your crossdreaming and crossdressing have a more prominent place in your life, the compulsory nature of the fantasies will deminish or go away altogether. That's what happened to my husband when he came out to me. I'm not saying you need to come out, but see if this side of you can have more space in your life and see what happens.

Well technically I'm already out. Everyone already knows I'm a crossdresser. I just suck at makeup and in addition to that I easily get intimidated going out as Leah, which is one of the many reasons I don't believe I'm transgender. I don't feel more comfortable as a girl in public.

The best way to get around being uncomfortable is to jump into the water with both feet. Just completely own who you are, but continue to work on improving your presentation at every opportunity. Don't be afraid to experiment, even after you start to get a look that works for you. The execution will come around.

Hi, April. It's very nice to meet you and may I say what a beautiful woman you are.

I'm actually curious, do I sound like a guy who's just addicted to internet bullshit, or is there something deeper here? I've wondered for awhile if I might be a girl.

Thanks Leah! I honestly don't know what you sound like. There have been a fair number of people who have come through this forum who have said that for them anyway, crossdreaming was a fantasy that had gotten way out of control. There have been others who have found crossdreaming to be a part time innocent and pleasant indulgence that had no real impact on the rest of their life. Then there is a 3rd group of people who are dysphoric to varying degrees. Some of those I think want to believe that their dysphoria is nothing more than a runaway fantasy, because frankly, beng a transsexual is not one of things you want to see yourself being the down road. I was sort of in that zone for a very long time. If crossdreaming is becoming a big issue for you, you might want to consult a therapist. I would suggest somebody who specializes exclusively in gender issues. Besides that, you might want to do some serious introspection. I would suggest doing some thought experiments. Beyond sex, can you see yourself living as a trans female in your day to day life? 

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#12 [url]

Apr 2 17 1:46 PM

Well I'm physically in limbo like you, though I guess a few years ahead in the mental processing stage, and I've been through the medical system and started HRT, though slowly. So I guess than means I do actually have a diagnosis of gender dysphoria now, though I hadn't really thought of it like that. Hmm, I just got the letter through from my endo today, so I'll see what it says.

So I'm kind of no longer mentally carrying the burden of being a really weird guy with AGP but just being a very odd looking girl, still mostly presenting as a guy. Which kind of helps me to reframe my approach to everything but doesn't really look that different in practice, if that makes any sense. Instead of thinking 'Why am I a failure?' all the time I can now think 'I'm not a failure, I just really suck at playing the wrong game', which sort of helps me not to just frantically cover things up and project things at other people. I
t's a long process..
I think I'm a bit calmer and more open with other people, though still maybe doing the, 'Scar from the Lion King' type act on the inside rather too often.
image

Oh, you and your petty complaints. 
You don't know what real hunger is. 
Day after day it gnaws at the very core of my being
I had that once. It was worms
No, no, no... it's like an itch... deep, persistent, profound...
That's it-- worms! When they get really bad all you gotta do is... hunker
down and scoot
Thanks for the tip. Ingrates! 
If it weren't for me you'd be beating off buzzards for your next bite! 

Last Edited By: Xora Apr 4 17 8:42 AM. Edited 2 times.

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#13 [url]

Apr 2 17 4:09 PM

April wrote:

Leah Grace wrote:

April wrote:

Leah Grace wrote:

sallymolay wrote:
Welcome! It might also be that by allowing your crossdreaming and crossdressing have a more prominent place in your life, the compulsory nature of the fantasies will deminish or go away altogether. That's what happened to my husband when he came out to me. I'm not saying you need to come out, but see if this side of you can have more space in your life and see what happens.

Well technically I'm already out. Everyone already knows I'm a crossdresser. I just suck at makeup and in addition to that I easily get intimidated going out as Leah, which is one of the many reasons I don't believe I'm transgender. I don't feel more comfortable as a girl in public.

The best way to get around being uncomfortable is to jump into the water with both feet. Just completely own who you are, but continue to work on improving your presentation at every opportunity. Don't be afraid to experiment, even after you start to get a look that works for you. The execution will come around.

Hi, April. It's very nice to meet you and may I say what a beautiful woman you are.

I'm actually curious, do I sound like a guy who's just addicted to internet bullshit, or is there something deeper here? I've wondered for awhile if I might be a girl.

Thanks Leah! I honestly don't know what you sound like. There have been a fair number of people who have come through this forum who have said that for them anyway, crossdreaming was a fantasy that had gotten way out of control. There have been others who have found crossdreaming to be a part time innocent and pleasant indulgence that had no real impact on the rest of their life. Then there is a 3rd group of people who are dysphoric to varying degrees. Some of those I think want to believe that their dysphoria is nothing more than a runaway fantasy, because frankly, beng a transsexual is not one of things you want to see yourself being the down road. I was sort of in that zone for a very long time. If crossdreaming is becoming a big issue for you, you might want to consult a therapist. I would suggest somebody who specializes exclusively in gender issues. Besides that, you might want to do some serious introspection. I would suggest doing some thought experiments. Beyond sex, can you see yourself living as a trans female in your day to day life? 

Did it ever turn you on to imagine yourself as a girl? I'm just curious because for me I've fantasizing about being a girl since I hit puberty.

And I'm not sure where I lie. I don't know whether or not crossdreaming has gotten out of control for me, whether this can become simply a pleasant indulgence or whether or not there's a significant amount of dysphoria I'm dealing with here.

And being female in my head is great on the surface. But when my erection goes away, when I'm in a more clear state of mind, I think that there's no way I could ever go through with all those physical changes. It's not that I wouldn't be happy at the prospect of turning into a woman, it's that beyond some sort of magical transformation, I couldn't go forward with it. 

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#14 [url]

Apr 2 17 4:28 PM

Xora wrote:
Well I'm physically in limbo like you, though I guess a few years ahead in the mental processing stage, and I've been through the medical system and started HRT, though slowly. So I guess than means I actually have a diagnosis of gender dysphoria now, though I hadn't really thought of it like that.
So I'm kind of no longer mentally carrying the burden of being a weird guy with AGP but just girl still mostly presenting as a guy. Which kind of helps me reframe my approach to everything but doesn't really look that different in practice, if that makes any sense.
Instead of thinking 'Why am I a failure?' all the time I can now think 'I'm not a failure, I just suck at playing the wrong game', which sort of helps me not to just cover things up and project things at other people. It's a long process I guess..
I think I'm a bit calmer and more open with other people, though still maybe doing the, 'Scar from the Lion King' type act on the inside rather too often.

Physically, I'm 100% male and no HRT. It sounds to me like you're moving forward with transitioning to be a girl. 

When do you plan on presenting as a girl full time? Do you ever?

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#15 [url]

Apr 2 17 7:54 PM

Hm, how old are you Leah?

Just a quick question, this "TG erotica, fiction, comics, and stories" you're talking about, is it centered on self identification and depiction of women, the transition process itself or what is generally referred to as "shemales"? Although I've always been a high libido person with a rather bizarre imagination, I've never felt motivated to delve into this material myself, so I wouldn't know.

"We live only to discover beauty. All else is a form of waiting."

- Khalil Gibran


If I cannot be a feminine traditional woman, what's the point of being a woman?

- Me

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#16 [url]

Apr 3 17 12:23 PM

Monique wrote:
Hm, how old are you Leah?

Just a quick question, this "TG erotica, fiction, comics, and stories" you're talking about, is it centered on self identification and depiction of women, the transition process itself or what is generally referred to as "shemales"? Although I've always been a high libido person with a rather bizarre imagination, I've never felt motivated to delve into this material myself, so I wouldn't know.

I'm 22. This stuff is a mixed bag. There's usually some sexual or kink element to it, but there's also the focus on the transition and the consequences of living in a new body. I am not into the 'shemale' stuff.

All I know is, the idea of being a woman is a huge turn on.

 

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#17 [url]

Apr 3 17 2:11 PM

Well you do sound like me, well it's hard to tell. I wouldn't say I was ever physically 'all male', not my hands, not my face, not my musculature and fat distribution, etc. but otherwise 'functional' I suppose. Well especially not my personality in a lot of ways besides the sexual, but I guess it was always things I couldn't really have told you about myself because I didn't realise I was doing them or didn't realise how different I really was. 

But yeah, since being about 15 I'd only ever been turned on by imagining turning into a girl somehow, and I maxed out on TG Fiction sometime when I was 18-19, and then cut way down to a few times a year through most of my 20s, but I never felt very much like getting involved with anyone else. 
Then at about 29 ish, so 2011, that I just got really incredibly fed up with nothing at all interesting ever happening in my life and decided that I really ought to sort that thing out, but it wasn't until the end of 2013 that I came out to my family, and now I'm 'on the pathway' so to speak at 34. 

I'll be very lucky to have surgery anytime before I'm 40 at this rate, and I'm not entirely sure I want to go there yet, it's all so impossibly complicated, so for the moment I'll just settle for being a bit less exhausted and stressed all the time, and see where it goes, coz despite how much I physically/psycologically want to, and my now probably just about having the money, and having cleared it with my remaining relatives and so forth, it still seems so hard to actually go through with. So you are hardly alone there in not wanting it to be true..

Last Edited By: Xora Apr 4 17 5:31 AM. Edited 1 time.

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#18 [url]

Apr 3 17 3:40 PM

It goes something like this, except for gender dysphoria rather than 'autism'.
(Though I still think it's the same thing underneath.. mild autism = (gender dysphoria + highly overactive psychological defence mechanisms.) ) 😏 
So that makes a lot of autism kinda psychosomatic, and 'gender identity disorder' just an ordinary physical rather than psychological condition, which is admittedly kind of the opposite way around from the way a lot of people seem to see things, just coz people are just so very touchy about anything having to do with sex.

Imagine that you’re a sparrow, living in a family of sparrows in a town of sparrows in a world of sparrows. But you’re kind of a shitty sparrow. Kind of the worst sparrow, actually. You can’t fly. You’ve been to doctors who have prescribed medicine to help with flying. But you still can’t. You try every day, and every day you fail at this thing which all the other sparrows tell you is critical. 

For a while, you stop trying. Failing every day just wore you down and you couldn’t do it anymore, so you stopped trying to fly. It was nice in some ways, but you felt guilty because you weren’t raised to give up. It made a rift with your family. Flying is an important activity that sparrow families do together. Isn’t your family important to you? Don’t they deserve for you to at least make the effort?
So since it’s nothing medically wrong with you, you go to a therapist, who diagnoses you with a phobia of flying. You work on overcoming your fear.

You’re lucky, your family is very accepting of mental illness (other sparrows are not so lucky, and it hurts your heart to think about that). They appreciate and admire how hard you’re working. They try to include you, so instead of getting together and flying, sometimes they get together and all sit in their nests. That sort of sucks too, but it’s a definite improvement.
You continue to try, and fail, to fly. You try harder. You try as hard as you can. Sometimes you can’t even make yourself flap your wings, it’s just such pointless bullshit and you feel like you’ll never succeed. Sometimes you go up on a chair and jump off and flap real hard and go splat anyway. Sometimes mean birds make fun of you because you’re a terrible screw-up. For 26 years, this is what your life is. 

One day, almost out of nowhere, as an afterthought, an aside, something barely worth mentioning because it is so obvious, a doctor says, “by the way, you’re a penguin.” Holy shit. You’re not a failure. You’re a penguin. You’re not lazy or stupid or weak. You don’t have messed up values. You’re a penguin. You have always been a penguin. 

There’s nothing wrong with you, you’re a beautiful penguin. The most perfect penguin. But it’s just a fact, penguins can’t fly. Now when you’re with you’re sparrow friends and they’re all sitting in nests, you sit in a bucket of ice. Mostly you bring your own. Some bird restaurants are really accommodating and will bring you a bucket of ice to sit in. Sometimes mean birds give you shit about your bucket, but it doesn’t hurt as much as it did before, because you know you’re a penguin and you’re just exactly what a penguin is meant to be. 

You give yourself permission to stop trying to fly. Not failing all the time improves your mood and overall function. You finally feel confident declining when invited to flying outings. You don’t waste the energy feeling guilty about it. You love your family of sparrows, but you also find a whole community of penguins to love too. Things you thought were just you, like preferring fish to bird seed, things you thought you were totally alone in and wrong for, are common and accepted. Some are even admired. Your new penguin friends think your flippers and chubby penguin belly are lovely. You bond over how and when you discovered you loved swimming. Knowing you’re a penguin means knowing where you fit in a world you never felt like you fit into. It means all the things penguins can’t do, it’s not a personal failing when you can’t do them. You’re not supposed to be able to. You can do other things instead. Sparrows are actually quite poor swimmers. You feel good about the things you excel at. 

This is why I think 'labels' are important. This is why I think “we’re all birds, let’s focus on our similarities instead of our differences” is harmful.
This is how my autism diagnosis was like breathing, after holding my breath for 26 years.

Well if penguins can't fly, then pre-op male-to-female transsexuals can't learn to get it up for the girls.  
But that's OK, because there are actually a few special boys out there that don't mind that kind of thing, and they aren't all fetishistic tranny chasers or deeply closeted transsexuals themselves, and they don't all want to beat you senseless or kill you soon as look as you, or keep their relationship with you a secret and never let you meet their 'real' friends or family...

https://www.autostraddle.com/105-trans-women-on-american-tv-a-complete-history-and-analysis-216732/
At least that's the theory.. 😗

Last Edited By: Xora Apr 4 17 8:43 AM. Edited 6 times.

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#19 [url]

Apr 3 17 10:01 PM

Xora wrote:
It goes something like this, except for gender dysphoria rather than autism, (though I still think it's the same thing underneath.. mild autism = gender dysphoria + overactive psychological defence mechanisms.) 😏 Imagine that you’re a sparrow, living in a family of sparrows in a town of sparrows in a world of sparrows. But you’re kind of a shitty sparrow. Kind of the worst sparrow, actually. You can’t fly. You’ve been to doctors who have prescribed medicine to help with flying. But you still can’t. You try every day, and every day you fail at this thing which all the other sparrows tell you is critical. For a while, you stop trying. Failing every day just wore you down and you couldn’t do it anymore, so you stopped trying to fly. It was nice in some ways, but you felt guilty because you weren’t raised to give up. It made a rift with your family. Flying is an important activity that sparrow families do together. Isn’t your family important to you? Don’t they deserve for you to at least make the effort?So since it’s nothing medically wrong with you, you go to a therapist, who diagnoses you with a phobia of flying. You work on overcoming your fear. You’re lucky, your family is very accepting of mental illness (other sparrows are not so lucky, and it hurts your heart to think about that). They appreciate and admire how hard you’re working. They try to include you, so instead of getting together and flying, sometimes they get together and all sit in their nests. That sort of sucks too, but it’s a definite improvement.You continue to try, and fail, to fly. You try harder. You try as hard as you can. Sometimes you can’t even make yourself flap your wings, it’s just such pointless bullshit and you feel like you’ll never succeed. Sometimes you go up on a chair and jump off and flap real hard and go splat anyway.Sometimes mean birds make fun of you because you’re a terrible screw-up. For 26 years, this is what your life is. One day, almost out of nowhere, as an afterthought, an aside, something barely worth mentioning because it is so obvious, a doctor says, “by the way, you’re a penguin.”Holy shit. You’re not a failure. You’re a penguin. You’re not lazy or stupid or weak. You don’t have messed up values. You’re a penguin. You have always been a penguin. There’s nothing wrong with you, you’re a beautiful penguin. The most perfect penguin. But it’s just a fact, penguins can’t fly. Now when you’re with you’re sparrow friends and they’re all sitting in nests, you sit in a bucket of ice. Mostly you bring your own. Some bird restaurants are really accommodating and will bring you a bucket of ice to sit in. Sometimes mean birds give you shit about your bucket, but it doesn’t hurt as much as it did before, because you know you’re a penguin and you’re just exactly what a penguin is meant to be. You give yourself permission to stop trying to fly. Not failing all the time improves your mood and overall function. You finally feel confident declining when invited to flying outings. You don’t waste the energy feeling guilty about it. You love your family of sparrows, but you also find a whole community of penguins to love too. Things you thought were just you, like preferring fish to bird seed, things you thought you were totally alone in and wrong for, are common and accepted. Some are even admired. Your new penguin friends think your flippers and chubby penguin belly are lovely. You bond over how and when you discovered you loved swimming. Knowing you’re a penguin means knowing where you fit in a world you never felt like you fit into. It means all the things penguins can’t do, it’s not a personal failing when you can’t do them. You’re not supposed to be able to. You can do other things instead. Sparrows are actually quite poor swimmers. You feel good about the things you excel at. This is why I think labels are important. This is why I think “we’re all birds, let’s focus on our similarities instead of our differences” is harmful. This is how my autism diagnosis was like breathing, after holding my breath for 26 years.

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Well if penguins can't fly, then pre-op male-to-female transsexuals can't learn to get it up for the girls.  
But that's OK, because there are actually a few special boys out there that don't mind that kind of thing, and they aren't all fetishistic tranny chasers or closseted transsexuals themselves, and they don't all want to beat you senseless or kill you soon as look as you, or keep you a secret and never let you meet their 'real' friends or family. 

At least that's the theory.. 😗


Well I'm not into men. At all. I'd much rather be with a woman. There are plenty of trans women who are lesbians.

I don't get the point of this post.

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#20 [url]

Apr 3 17 11:35 PM

I like the penguin tale. It simply says that happiness is being true to who you are. Trying desperately to be a cis male when you are a trans woman will not work. The analogy works whether you are gay and straight.

(By the way, some years ago there a penguin movie was used actively by homophobes to prove that being straight and cis was natural, given that the penguin pairs were portrayed as monogamous males and females. It turns out that there are a lot of same sex couples among penguins!)

I can look up the numbers, but I have seen statistics that indicate that a majority of trans women are gynephilic or bisexual. New research also indicate that a majority of trans men are androphilic or bisexual. 

 

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