Feeling invisible was a reoccurring theme throughout most of my pre-transition life. I often felt like I was acting while in the presence of other people, and that nobody really got to know the real me. That has changed dramatically for me in transition. I made the decision rather consciously that I wasn't going to hold back anything, that I was going to be utterly authentic in everything I did. People were going to see the real me, regardless of how they might react.
My thinking on this was pretty simple: If I was going to blow up my old life, I might as well go all out, rather than half heatedly. I wasn't willing to make all that sacrifice just to jump from one box to another. My fashion choices as well my entire lifestyle has reflected this thinking.
Yet, I quickly discovered that this way is pretty controversial, even within parts of the trans community. I quickly discovered that there is an unwritten cookbook on how to be trans, and the primary rule is do nothing that will draw unnecessary attention to oneself. I totally get why some might find that personally attractive. Many trans long to live a cis life. It's harder to convince relatives and old acquaintances of the tragic nobility of being born in the wrong body when you are out partying in night clubs in a mini skirt. And for some, being low key is a matter of personal safety, especially in more rural areas. But many have projected their personal needs and choices on the rest of the trans community. There are even self appointed trans police who think it is their duty to protect the entire trans community from those of those of us who choose not to be so invisible. Frankly, I think a lot of that is internalized transphobia.