Unicorns in a dragshow? Trickster unicorns acting flamboyant? While it's an interesting thought - if I got it right - all I can say is, it doesn't apply to me (sorry!). On the contrary, part of the reason why I want to become a (gorgeous) woman is precisely because I want to escape competition. In fact, I'd like to kill it altogether. I want love and ecstasy on tap, anytime and everywhere I need it. Everybody should have that, so everyone deserves being equally super beautiful, beloved and affirmed, not least in their lustful sinfulness and for their wicked minds. While we are competing - for instance me being forced into competition with other men - I don't feel we are actually living, and the fact that this world works by competion as one of its fundamental princples, is only additional testament to it being the imperfect handiwork of a bumbling Demiurge on a bad day, suffering a bad temper and a hangover.
"I keep thinking this: if women have to look like women, then what is a woman (the reality or the fantasy)?"
I'd say, the woman is the fantasy (for she is an ideal), while "the reality" is just to be female.
That's the point I'm making and you proved me right! You DID escape competition, at least in your head. By becoming a model of the ideal other gender, you DIDN'T have to compete with your own gender: men. You imagined the best of a comfortable space, in this case: women (I hate to be reminded of "safe space" - makes me think of college kids and ....and......rrrrrrrrr......that rainbow commmuni.....rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!)
Competition is what you make of it: a lot, a little. Over-achieving a bit, aren't we, minister's son? I know much about over-achieving.
Gee, in that case, you found me out! Hm, instead of "safe space", how about sheltered existence
? Mulling over the various crossdreaming scenarios I like to imagine, some which aren't really fit for elaboration on the internet, that sure is a common denominator if I do some honest introspection. And if someone thinks the life of a woman should be more "adventurous", "self-assertive", "creative" or what not, and thus fear for my long-term mental health in paradise, or me as Monique being just the caricature of a woman, please let me just assure you that I have a huge tolerance for boredom. I'll be alright.
I'd love the lifestyle of a turn of the century bourgeois lady as a sort of existential baseline for instance, and then go on from there... and twist it.
In fact, boredom, like Stefan Zweig implicitely lays it out in The World of Yesterday
, can be a good thing. In combination with a near suffocating sense of jade and satin padded security, it doubtless fuels the fires of lust and indulgence...
No surprise then, I feel quite a congruency with this time and place:
Over-achieving? Not really, I think... You could probably teach me a thing or two. It would be useful, for in contrast to a certain Sino-American beauty, I am the original lazy bum.
Yet on the other hand, if you were talking about it in terms of the demands you once put on yourself instigating such fear of failure that it could only lead to procrastination, terrified petrification ...and failure, I already know everything there is to know about over-achievement. Nowadays, I happily consider those periods of my life to be over. At last.
By the way, are you a pedantic perfectionist? I know I am.