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Jan 25 17 8:01 AM

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Wow.

Not that it can be said to be a case of scientifically validated research, but "lesbian" appears to be the top category searched for by women in the western world, according to Porn Hub. Now let that sink in for a moment. It's like if the top search among male, ostensibly heterosexual porn consumers was "gay porn". Really?
http://www.maxim.com/maxim-man/what-porn-women-watch-2016-3
http://www.pornhub.com/insights/womens-favorite-searches-worldwide#comments

What could it mean? One angle of criticism to skew the results that I immediately thought of was the absence of gay porn as a category. What I've heard is that man-on-man porn is actually rather popular among women. But still.

What might this imply for the idea that not only trannies, but women too are essentially autogynephiliacs? Maybe the female arousal pattern is so self-centered, many prefer not to even have any hairy men in the picture at all, as they get it on by manifesting just how hot they themselves, as silk skin sex objects, truly are?

Or are most women actually lipstick lesbians in disguise, who put up with men for reasons of procreation and crass resource extraction (and simply chose not to tell us for thousands of years)?

Or was this article in fact simply just a premature April Fool's joke?

What say you?


"We live only to discover beauty. All else is a form of waiting."

- Khalil Gibran


If I cannot be a feminine traditional woman, what's the point of being a woman?

- Me

Last Edited By: Monique Jan 25 17 8:47 AM. Edited 15 times

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#1 [url]

Jan 25 17 9:13 AM

One of the strangest things that I noticed early on in my transition was that there were a considerable number of young and supposedly straight women who would start flirting with me in the club scene. This would have never happened to me as a guy, at least not in the previous 15 years. But somehow by me feminizing my appearance, I was suddenly entertaining all sorts of offers and opportunities. I would frequently hear them make comments like: I'm totally into regular average guys, but...... These women were very feminine, and many were rather attractive. My theory on this was that many of these girls were repressed bisexuals who wanted to take a fling on the wild side with a girl that had something a little extra.

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#2 [url]

Jan 25 17 9:33 AM

I remember a study a few years ago that found that bisexuality is quite common among women, but not among men. Men are very sexually stringent (either gay or straight, but rarely bi) while with women there is a lot more gray area. If I remember right, the study found that about 60% of women admit to having had sexual fantasies about other women. That is startlingly high.

What they don't know is why this is the case. I've heard many theories...
Women are less sexually restricted socially than men so more willing to cross that line.
Women are more 'emotionally' attracted to others, so once they make an emotional connection it may sexually arouse them regardless of gender.
Women are more in tune with each others sexual needs making them better lovers.
Women are built to be sexually desired so their soft delicate curves catch the eye of men and women alike.
Etc...

I don't know what I believe. Maybe a combination of all of these reasons. What I do know is that this is a real thing. I know it's not BS because I actually ask girls about it. I know several girls who have admitted to me to having real sexual encounters with other girls, not just fantasy. Even if they haven't, they normally will still acknowledge that women are hot. Typically after these confessions they will make some feeble attempt to let me know that they still prefer men. Although a couple female friends of mine have told me that in the past they have had romantic relationships with both guys and girls alike. That seems to feed into the theory that it is more about emotional connection than biology.

When I ask girls why they think they are prone to bisexual behavior they don't seem to really know why. They usually just kind of sheepishly shrug their shoulders and say something like, "I dunno. Girls are just hot." It's hard for me to argue with that. Strangely they more often than not seem to be indifferent to the idea of seeing two men having sex. It's become pretty obvious to me that girls are not nearly as aroused by the sight of two men making out as men are aroused by seeing two girls make out. Maybe it's the asthetics of it. Men are just not as pleasing to the eye.

The world of bisexuality seems to tilt heavily in favor of the fairer sex.

Last Edited By: Josie Jan 25 17 9:39 AM. Edited 2 times.

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#3 [url]

Jan 25 17 1:13 PM

April wrote:
One of the strangest things that I noticed early on in my transition was that there were a considerable number of young and supposedly straight women who would start flirting with me in the club scene. This would have never happened to me as a guy, at least not in the previous 15 years. But somehow by me feminizing my appearance, I was suddenly entertaining all sorts of offers and opportunities. I would frequently hear them make comments like: I'm totally into regular average guys, but...... These women were very feminine, and many were rather attractive. My theory on this was that many of these girls were repressed bisexuals who wanted to take a fling on the wild side with a girl that had something a little extra.

Think you're on to something and find it easy to agree with your hypothesis regarding repressed bisexuality. There seems to be a same sex attraction at work and both men and women share the same kind of attraction for the "sublime object".

Unrelated, but this makes me think of the times I was playing around with Second Life. For instance, instead of the female me, I made this male avatar who was kind of a mix between wet suited diver and big and bulky superhero, all dressed in thick black shiny rubber with contrasting colors, masked hood, thick slippery gloves, the works. I designed him to turn even me on. He even wore high heeled thigh boots and a large black latex cape, sort of like worn by Batman. I wanted to make a character that would scream neon alley stalker weirdo sex pervert, but of a kind that was out of this world and the likes of which you'd probably only find in underground comix from the 70's, and then test him in the ubiquitous red light districts in world.

Essentially, this was sort of a feminine fetish aesthetic applied to a big male. Very campy. And the reaction from the hookers and strippers was spectacular. I've never gotten so many cat calls as with that avatar and the IM box tended to fill up very quickly. Most other guys who do the red light routine tend to make some tawny "good looking" metrosexual guy, in typical plain hipster garb, trainers and hairstyle. Very low imagination factor, basically attempting to mimic real life, and they often have to do several approaches just to get noticed, even by prostitutes. Not so in this case. Now, one should keep in mind that perhaps 9 out of 10 "women" in SL are actually men, but with a bit of experience it's generally not so difficult to tell who is who. I noticed my fantasy dominator super villain was not least successful with the real girls, who sometimes like to play around in there for kicks.

So what am I trying to convey with this story? Well, that the basic feminine fetish aesthetic that attracts male fetishists apparently also can get women going. They might say they prefer a man in a "loose fit", but what really took it home was a big male superhero style freakazoid in a tight fitting slippery wetsuit and high heels. smiley: laugh


"We live only to discover beauty. All else is a form of waiting."

- Khalil Gibran


If I cannot be a feminine traditional woman, what's the point of being a woman?

- Me

Last Edited By: Monique Jan 25 17 2:38 PM. Edited 11 times.

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#4 [url]

Jan 25 17 2:09 PM

I don't know if I trust a statistic from Maxim. It sounds like a number that their readership would like... There's way too much fake news/data out there.

Lindsay


"The thing is you see what you want to see and you hear what you want to hear, dig?" the Pointed Man

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#5 [url]

Jan 25 17 2:24 PM

Josie, that was a substance packed reply! Very interesting to read you testing this out on actual women. As for the explanations behind female bisexual attraction (autogynephilia?), I'd venture to suggest that some of them might be better than others. You wrote:

"What they don't know is why this is the case. I've heard many theories...
Women are less sexually restricted socially than men so more willing to cross that line.
Women are more 'emotionally' attracted to others, so once they make an emotional connection it may sexually arouse them regardless of gender.
Women are more in tune with each others sexual needs making them better lovers.
Women are built to be sexually desired so their soft delicate curves catch the eye of men and women alike.
Etc..."

Blue means this is a contributing factor while red I interpret as the controlling variable! I don't believe this one: "Women are more 'emotionally' attracted to others, so once they make an emotional connection it may sexually arouse them regardless of gender." No, women are as attracted to pleasing looks as anyone else! I'm an adherent of "looks theory", which simply states that women go for a certain masculine appearance in men, especially regarding facial features, but also including body height. "Emotional attraction" on the other hand, seems to imply that "personality" plays a major factor in female attraction. Well, if that was the case I'd own a freaking playboy mansion since I've got loads of it smiley: laugh and handsome bad boy Abdullah down on the street corner would have my equivalent of barely two lays in his entire life, since after all, his conversational skills are limited to the angry grunts he gives off while he loses on the Black Jack machine.

Upper blue: "Women are less socially restricted...", yes! This is true. Women own the whole fucking world which is evidenced by whatever they do they never have to suffer any sense of shameful consequences. They are always adorable no matter what. So yes, it's easy for them to cross that line.

Lower blue: "Women are more in tune...", I believe this. Women have superior articulation and intuition skills to men. They sense a situation more acutely and in interpersonal exchange tend not as easily to react with the same kind of anxiety.

Red: "Women are built to be sexually desired..." This is it! Men and women tend to find the same things to be beautiful and attractive and hence, similar kinds of the sublime turn them on. If that goes for natural scenery, architecture and art, why shouldn't it include the human body as well? Male bodies can probably also be beautiful to some extent (just think of the renaissance or antiquity when the male body was idealized), but it could be it takes some effort or partly another kind of seeing. Perhaps it's really a matter of tactile feeling in the male case? Anyhow, my conclusion following from this speculation is that the "modernists", from Toulouse-Lautrec and on, were wrong. Beauty is NOT in the eye of the beholder. Beauty is an objective entity that affects us (we do not arbitrarily invent it), although with properties of high plasticity (the way ideal beauty have differed through the ages; what different species find beautiful and attractive, etc).

"We live only to discover beauty. All else is a form of waiting."

- Khalil Gibran


If I cannot be a feminine traditional woman, what's the point of being a woman?

- Me

Last Edited By: Monique Jan 25 17 2:40 PM. Edited 1 time.

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#6 [url]

Jan 25 17 3:09 PM

Monique wrote:
Red: "Women are built to be sexually desired..." This is it! Men and women tend to find the same things to be beautiful and attractive and hence, similar kinds of the sublime turn them on. If that goes for natural scenery, architecture and art, why shouldn't it include the human body as well? Male bodies can probably also be beautiful to some extent (just think of the renaissance or antiquity when the male body was idealized), but it could be it takes some effort or partly another kind of seeing. Perhaps it's really a matter of tactile feeling in the male case? Anyhow, my conclusion following from this speculation is that the "modernists", from Toulouse-Lautrec and on, were wrong. Beauty is NOT in the eye of the beholder. Beauty is an objective entity that affects us (we do not arbitrarily invent it), although with properties of high plasticity (the way ideal beauty have differed through the ages; what different species find beautiful and attractive, etc).

Thanks for your reply Monique. 

Men's bodies tend to be hard and rigid, built for functionality over pleasure. I repeatedly hear that women tend not to be that visually stimulated by men. They are more drawn to character traits. Sure, they may have a natural fascination with men having muscles, broad shoulders, six-pack abs, square jaws, facial hair, and like those things...but I think this is just more of a natural curiousity about physical traits they themselves do not possess. They are not requirements to feel attraction. 

Go to a magazine section some time. Men's magazines naturally are usually full of beautiful, scantily-clad women. Of course, that's what anyone would expect. But take a look at the women's magazines. What will you find there? More pictures of beautiful women. It's been my experience that hunky men with their shirts off are never found on the covers of women's magazines. Why is that? I guess it goes to show you that men and women alike are naturally more drawn to images of sexy women than ripped guys. It has to be something hardwired in the depth of the human mind whether people realize it or not. 

BTW, here's a link to an article referencing the study that I mentioned before.
http://lgbtweekly.com/2011/10/20/60-percent-of-heterosexual-women-are-attracted-to-other-women/

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#8 [url]

Jan 28 17 2:49 AM

"Men's Health" is about the only publication which tends to have a man on the front cover, that I can think of... Not that I ever buy it

And perhaps political publications..... because although its considered that women are to lok at, its still assumed men do things

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#9 [url]

Jan 28 17 8:34 PM

PipX wrote:
"Men's Health" is about the only publication which tends to have a man on the front cover, that I can think of...
 

Same here. The cover of Men's Health is always litered with promises to get back in shape, or build a better body, so I guess showing a guy on the cover in peak physical condition plays into their theme. That is the only gender-specific magazine that think of off the top of my head that has men on the cover. 

It always amazes me when I glance at the section of women's magazines and there is not a sexy guy to be found on a cover anywhere. People can call advertisers sexist all they want, but they know what grabs people's attention. 

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#10 [url]

Jan 29 17 12:48 AM

Long before I "crossed," I subscribed to Men's Health and checked out men's magazines, like GQ, from the library.  It is probably from my past subscrition to Men's Health that marketing companies must have thought that I am male and recently sent me Details magazine, which is also about men.  These three magazines have men on the cover, except GQ puts a woman on the cover once in a while.  

I subscribed to Men's Health precisely because I thought that too many women are always on the covers of magazines, even a men's magazine like GQ!  I get no "philia" from seeing men (or women for that matter!), but I have always believed that men's perspective are worthy of attention.  The content of men and women's magazine are quite different!  I went for the difference.  I wanted to learn about life from a different perspective.  

When I was enrolled in correspondence art schools, I often selected male models to sketch for portraits.  It's not even that men's bodies are just as or less attractive than women's.  I just saw something worthy from a pose, like the person is telling me something with clothes and a posture.   Sure, women do that ALL THE TIME, so isn't it time to learn about "the other"???

(I naturally walk like I'm ready for battle, but recently, I have practiced this forward move, gaze, and gesture in my crossdreamed head.)  
 image

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#11 [url]

Jan 29 17 12:14 PM

Good thing you joined in, Jen!

Maybe you get no "philia" from images of either men or women, but what do you say? Is there an "erotic gaze" in the eyes of women in regards to women? Autogynephiliac or not, why else all those images of attractive women in women's magazines?

As for myself, when I'm in man mode, I couldn't care less about images of other men. They're just competition. More like reason for anxiety than stimulation. In Monique mode, I get attracted to some images of some men (but maybe not the kind of men that women or gays usually find attractive, or at least are expected to be attracted to, like ripped guys with their shirts off for example. In those cases I simply tend to go, "But for fxxks sake, gain some weight, and while you're at it, get rid of that stupid emo haircut!"). smiley: smile

"We live only to discover beauty. All else is a form of waiting."

- Khalil Gibran


If I cannot be a feminine traditional woman, what's the point of being a woman?

- Me

Last Edited By: Monique Jan 29 17 12:29 PM. Edited 3 times.

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#12 [url]

Jan 29 17 11:57 PM

I like this one, and it's perhaps relevant here.
https://www.avoiceformen.com/gynocentrism/the-supersizing-of-gynocentrism/
I'm pretty sure that at this stage an awful lot of it is just for resource extraction and plain narcissism, girls trying to outdo other girls, far more than it is even for attracting a potential sperm donor, or long-term child-support payer.

Take an extreme example like Trisha Paytas, that's about as neotenous as you can get, now she says she only really gets emotionally invested in relationships with other women, but she still wants to get penetrated by men, and her being all so cute and bubbly sure doesn't hurt her being sent all that free stuff in terms of product samples and things that just only has to talk about on YouTube once a week. It's a good life, for some I guess.

See also this: http://heartcorps.com/subversive/sub017/justification.htm and this: http://www.ribbonfarm.com/2013/05/16/the-gervais-principle-vi-children-of-an-absent-god/ and mix the two together in your head a bit. Your basic loser layer consists of male thinking men and women, your clueless layer consists of female thinking men and women, and your sociopath layer consists of those few people with enough of both to see things both ways at once and enough excess intellectual capacity to shape the others very sense of reality.
No, I don't really think I have what it takes to be a bigshot CEO, and I just don't care to manipulate people that way, but it is kinda fun to watch how it works from afar.

Last Edited By: Xora Jan 31 17 9:12 AM. Edited 1 time.

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#13 [url]

Feb 24 17 9:53 PM

Partly I think it's because female sexuality is typically less visual and more contextual. It might be that they enjoy what's going on more than the people involved. Of course studies also show that female sexuality tends to be more fluid. It's certainly not true that all women are bisexual, but they might be able to ignore or not be put off by there being two women if they find the sex act appealing.

Then let's be honest, in heterosexual porn they don't really put much thought into the guy's appearance do they? Since it's mostly designed for heterosexual men. Though saying that this doesn't explain why they don't watch gay male porn instead. But maybe they need someone in the scene they can identify with?

Oh and I saw some female porn viewing statistics before that included a gay male category, and it was second, but still came after lesbian porn:

http://www.pornhub.com/insights/what-women-want

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#14 [url]

Mar 2 17 2:13 AM

Xora wrote:
I like this one, and it's perhaps relevant here.
https://www.avoiceformen.com/gynocentrism/the-supersizing-of-gynocentrism/
I'm pretty sure that at this stage an awful lot of it is just for resource extraction and plain narcissism, girls trying to outdo other girls, far more than it is even for attracting a potential sperm donor, or long-term child-support payer.

Take an extreme example like Trisha Paytas, that's about as neotenous as you can get, now she says she only really gets emotionally invested in relationships with other women, but she still wants to get penetrated by men, and her being all so cute and bubbly sure doesn't hurt her being sent all that free stuff in terms of product samples and things that just only has to talk about on YouTube once a week. It's a good life, for some I guess.

Well, yeah, I guess that's a difference between a (contemporary) bio-female and a male wannabe-female like myself. Thing is, I fully intend to give something in return for his resources and security, namely to be his subservient and loyal confidence provider and full time devoted love bumper, anyway he needs it. Which, depending on the arrangement, would include me playing house 24/7 as well. Hell, he could lock me up in "my rooms" and not let me out for all I care. After all, security and protection are the very things I'm after.

Now, you might call that prostitution, and technically I agree it is. But I never said whoredom was beyond me.

"We live only to discover beauty. All else is a form of waiting."

- Khalil Gibran


If I cannot be a feminine traditional woman, what's the point of being a woman?

- Me

Last Edited By: Monique Mar 2 17 2:56 AM. Edited 7 times.

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#15 [url]

Mar 2 17 4:39 AM

Loki wrote:
Partly I think it's because female sexuality is typically less visual and more contextual. It might be that they enjoy what's going on more than the people involved. Of course studies also show that female sexuality tends to be more fluid. It's certainly not true that all women are bisexual, but they might be able to ignore or not be put off by there being two women if they find the sex act appealing.

Then let's be honest, in heterosexual porn they don't really put much thought into the guy's appearance do they? Since it's mostly designed for heterosexual men. Though saying that this doesn't explain why they don't watch gay male porn instead. But maybe they need someone in the scene they can identify with?

Oh and I saw some female porn viewing statistics before that included a gay male category, and it was second, but still came after lesbian porn:

http://www.pornhub.com/insights/what-women-want

Good find! Kind of nails it, wouldn't you say?

"Partly I think it's because female sexuality is typically less visual and more contextual. It might be that they enjoy what's going on more than the people involved."

Oh, so you mean to say that women are just like me? Thanks, I'm flattered. smiley: wink

"We live only to discover beauty. All else is a form of waiting."

- Khalil Gibran


If I cannot be a feminine traditional woman, what's the point of being a woman?

- Me

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#16 [url]

Mar 2 17 9:28 AM

I have a slightly different view of women and relationship between sexes. I am guessing that my views fit best with some of the earlier feminists who were interested in liberation from gender stereotypes. Sexuality is something both women and men possess, and can be used in accordance with the desires of the individual. My soul is both sexy and very powerful. Sex is for fun, and not some economic arrangement.

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#17 [url]

Mar 2 17 8:34 PM

April wrote:
I have a slightly different view of women and relationship between sexes. I am guessing that my views fit best with some of the earlier feminists who were interested in liberation from gender stereotypes. Sexuality is something both women and men possess, and can be used in accordance with the desires of the individual. My soul is both sexy and very powerful. Sex is for fun, and not some economic arrangement.

No, I agree, sex is for fun. Marriage, however, is an economic arrangement. If you're smart, you know how to combine business with pleasure. smiley: wink

Seriously though, sex above all is power. Bargaining power. In today's world, after women's liberation, it equips women with immense leverage vis-a-vis men, and in the cutthroat competion that ensues between men in order to please the woman for her favours, half the men become hostage to her whims and sex economizing, or she'll just move on to the next new model, and another good chunk of the male population ends up bereft of love altogether and thrown by the wayside as discarded specimens of the human population. It's not right towards those men. They are good men. Men need love too.

"We live only to discover beauty. All else is a form of waiting."

- Khalil Gibran


If I cannot be a feminine traditional woman, what's the point of being a woman?

- Me

Last Edited By: Monique Mar 2 17 8:46 PM. Edited 3 times.

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#18 [url]

Mar 3 17 12:15 AM

There is much to what you have to say, and when I see all the anxiety over at forums like 4chan -- young men feeling left out of the race -- I also see an explanation for the recent backlash against feminism. 

Still, when you say:

 half the men become hostage to her whims and sex economizing, or she'll just move on to the next new model


I cannot help thinking that this is what women have had to live with for the last three millenia in large parts of the world. Female liberation gives them the power men have taken for granted.

That being said, from what I have seen in my own life, the majority of both men and women want something more stable, they want love for life, they want a soul partner, they want someone to share the good and the bad with. But life is hard, and we are all imperfect. No wonder relationships go bad. But a lot of relationships, straight or gay, grow stronger with time.

I guess we have to keep on trying!

 

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#19 [url]

Mar 3 17 1:21 PM

April said,

April wrote:
I have a slightly different view of women and relationship between sexes. I am guessing that my views fit best with some of the earlier feminists who were interested in liberation from gender stereotypes. Sexuality is something both women and men possess, and can be used in accordance with the desires of the individual. My soul is both sexy and very powerful. Sex is for fun, and not some economic arrangement.

 

image  (eyes roll)

Monique said,

Seriously though, sex above all is power. Bargaining power. In today's world, after women's liberation, it equips women with immense leverage vis-a-vis men, and in the cutthroat competion that ensues between men in order to please the woman for her favours, half the men become hostage to her whims and sex economizing, or she'll just move on to the next new model, and another good chunk of the male population ends up bereft of love altogether and thrown by the wayside as discarded specimens of the human population. It's not right towards those men. They are good men. Men need love too. 

image (eyes roll)

Jack said,
That being said, from what I have seen in my own life, the majority of both men and women want something more stable, they want love for life, they want a soul partner, they want someone to share the good and the bad with. But life is hard, and we are all imperfect. No wonder relationships go bad. But a lot of relationships, straight or gay, grow stronger with time.

image (eyes roll)

Gentlemen! This is all clear signs that you are, or that you still are or that you started out, male!  I feel like an alien who crash-landed onto earth and into a female body!  Then, in order to thrive in a little female body, I signed up to learn from and work among females for over 40 years! 

The dictionary definition (as updated by Wiktionary) of a "female" is that of a being (thus, a sex) that produces eggs and/or has XX chromosomes.  (One or the other, would you believe?)  This is a reproductive definition and has been the prevailing distinction between the "binaries" so far.  As a result of waiting eggs, physical qualities that also distinguish the female are a smaller upper body, a wider lower body, a shorter stature than the males of the same population, and gynological/obsetric capabilities.  MTFers, the last one, the last one seems to get forgotten a lot!!

I can't shake off how relevant Sigmund Freud's theories about life are, even if I don't like the guy because of his Victorian influence!  Aggression and the fear of death are primal forces that human beings struggle with, in any culture.  The primal urges to attack, maim, and kill just so happen to also be sexual too!  It's a coincidence!  It's not about love, Jack.  It's not about sex, Monique.  It is about struggling with the primal urge to hurt a self, including one's own self.  The victims tend to be the people with the smaller physical bodies, and if it's a female, there is also a chance of a pregnancy.  Thus, life starts out as aggression.  The female has little control over gestation and the eventually live birth.  The female body loses most often.  The power over sex that you speak of, Monique, is preliminary to what the female knows she will have to deal with eventually: possible children (with illnesses and/or birth defects), limited resources, limited physical protection for her home, herself, and her children.  It's not that the female controls sex, she's trying to save her life from a life of atrocity. 

For over 40 years of seeing a population, mostly made up of women and children, even at higher socio-economic strata, sex is a tool of survival.  Dependency, in the form of welfare, comes first.  And even with plenty of security and resources, social reforms, reproductive rights, and "better" politics, I still see and hear females suffer.  If only being "thrown by the wayside as discarded specimens of the human population" from losing a game of love was enough!!  MTFers, you can talk about love, sex, and power as thoughts.  Think about them as a result of trying to live day by day. 

To be able to "play" with sex for pleasure, and only pleasure, is a luxury.  

(This thread was originally about female and lesbian porn.  It's a pastime ..... one that I'll never understand, but yeah, an interesting pastime for some people.)

  

Last Edited By: lal2828 Mar 4 17 8:26 AM. Edited 5 times.

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#20 [url]

Mar 3 17 5:22 PM

It's just really difficult, we've been so segregated and conditioned from such a young age that it's really impossible to know what it's actually like on the other side even if we do 'feel' like we ought to be there.

Like even from the age of 6 or 7 I was thinking one day I'll have to get a job and I hope it's a good one, but not thinking that there were jobs that I might want to do that I'll not be allowed to do because of how people treat my body, but obviously the idea that just hooking up with someone as a late teenager and letting them get me pregnant would set me up for life, or that I could even potentially live on welfare, never entered my head. 

I mean, I will admit to being very confused, I couldn't see a clear way forward all that well, I went along with what I was allowed to do and didn't stick my neck out very far, and by my mid to late teens started getting very concerned that my personality somehow didn't seem to be developing along the lines I had kind of expected, so that I wasn't becoming nearly the person I hoped to be.
If anything the older I got the more my options seemed to be limited, and I just couldn't seem to translate much of any desire or belief into actual action, or even experience any emotionally 'good' consequences from my behaviour, despite my best efforts. 

By the time I was about 19 I no longer even cared very much about getting a good job any more, despite the monumental efforts I felt I had put into just surviving in school and getting good exam results, and I just did what my parents wanted and basically just tried to disappear. Do just enough that you are neither disowned nor kicked out and hope you just get 'better', somehow..

When half of you is going, 'why can't I just be like Britney Spears', and the other half is going 'why can't I just be tougher and more confident and more gets-things-done' it's really hard to know which side to listen to and which kinds of things actually are or should be at all possible to achieve.

So when you tell me that most women feel very threatened, well they have my sympathy, but I feel very threatened too.
I feel threatened by being plunged into a capitalist system that wants to grind me up and wear me out and keep me spinning my wheels just to keep my head above water. Where if I don't put in masses of effort to stay afloat I'm a loser or a scrounger, and where all the rewards seem to go so easily to the people with the 'better' personalities, the kinds of people I went to school with, but who somehow pulled full steam ahead right around the same time I fell so far behind. 

I also feel threatened by women, like you can mostly never get really close to anyone because they just see you as a loser and a creep, and if by some miracle you actually did one day finally 'get laid' and accidentally get someone pregnant well then you'd be on the hook to them financially if not emotionally and you'd have their parents or older brothers ganging up on you and 'sorting you out' for daring to do anything with their sister when you are obviously so unworthy of her, and so on. 

So yeah, when people like me get accused of wanting only the good side of being seen as female without ever experiencing the bad side, well so far as I can tell I already emotionally experience nothing but the bad side, and yet never will get the feel what from afar seems like the good. 

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