Lead

Jan 13 17 5:01 AM

Tags : :

Hi...my name's Felix...and I'm a genva-male...which is short for 'gender variant' male. I would - if pushed - define myself as 'transgender' but it is a word I'm not fond of because it is now completely linked to a specific kind of gender variant person: someone who chooses to identify (and usually live) as another gender.

That narrow meaning of transgender turns me off because...

1) I do not identify as a gender different to that I was born.
2) I live, and have every intention of always living, as a male. This does not bother me because for me it is just a word like 'profesion' or 'city' a linguistic category that has no effect on my tastes, my politics, my emotions etc. 

So, in what sense am I gender variant if I'm so loyal to my gender?

I'm gender variant because my sexuality is entirely dominated by identification with females. I literally would not be able to get turned on by thinking of myself as a man in sexual fantasy.
Furthermore, as I've gotten older...my desire to be female has become non-sexual and - at times - overbearingly necessary and compelling (though, I seem to have regained control of this desire.)
As I'm firmly convinced that these two phenomonon stem from biological factors...I think it was 'nature' not 'nurture' that imbued me with these female inclinations and thus I was born male but with a strong dash of intrinsic gender variance.

So, why don't I just 'transition' to live as a woman if being a woman is what I want sexually, emotionally and socially?

After much consideration of the issue, I have come to the firm conclusion that for some (perhaps 'most') gender variant individuals with my profile (middle aged, sexual history of crossdreaming, male indentified for most of life) transition is not the best treatment for gender dysphoria. I believe this because...

1. The desire to be a woman is not satisfied by transition. Transition leads to one becoming a 'trans woman'...which is something different. This difference is not expressed legally or in the minds of good liberals like myself, but in a series of medical, social, financial, romantic, familial costs which - taken together -. slowly chip away at the individual's hapiness and leads to a nagging - or sometimes overt - dissatisfaction with being a transwoman. Transgender crossdreamers want to be women...and transition while making one legally, morally, socially a woman...it is not the type of woman we need and want to be.

To me it's an equation...,

The realisation you are a transwoman and not a woman +  the irreversible effects of certain treatments and intereferences with our endocrinal system + emotional, financial, profesional etc consequences ot transition = depression.

I understand that for some people the equation works differently...and if they don't transition then they get deporessed...but this post is about me and that is my personal equation (for the moment...things change!)

2. Being a man who openly accepts and embraces his gender variance and focuses on life, love, friends, careers...leads to a greater long term happiness (that's the plan, anyway...but after a miserable christmas I'm not so sure.image)


So where do you think your crossdreamer sexuality and crossdreamer gender come from?

For me..the sexuality is a simple case of programming. Some sexualities are programmed towards copulating with girls...and some to being girls. 

The gender simultaneously causes and is caused by the sexuality. The two are inseperable and we should not try to see them in a linear x caused y relationship.

After a couple of years looking at this question I firmly believe that we are not linguistically equipped to answer it satisfactorily. I'm deeply convinced by the Max Morris essay I talked about on my website that the origins of transgender identity (in crossdreamers like myself) have a sexual origin. But you can only hold that view if it comes from an evoloutionary understanding of sexual behaviour and the profound interconnectedness of sexuality and the personality in general.

Once you understansd the interconnectedness of sexual reproduction and the human personality/emotional needs - you see it is impossible to describe certain human behaviours as purely sexual. These include marriage, home building, child rearing and the desire to transition in transwomen. It leads to what I describe as a quantum position where crossdreaming is both sexual and psychological at the same time.

Anyway...that's where I am these days. Not much time to spend on crossdreaming theory. Time to enter politics. If you wanna read more about my massively inconsistent and constantly evolving ideas... visit http://transcendmovement.com/
Quote    Reply   

#1 [url]

Jan 13 17 10:43 AM

hey felix, good to see you on the forum.  i've spent plenty of time reading your evolving and conflicting theories haha.  i kind of miss your term femefilia, cause that's one i could embrace.  i think of crossdreaming for me as an outflowing of my love for the feminine, but only a small part of it.  

Quote    Reply   

#3 [url]

Jan 14 17 3:02 AM

It is so good to see you here, Felix!

(And for those of you who haven't done so already: Read his books! Felix is the kind of thinker who forces you to think outside the box!)

 The desire to be a woman is not satisfied by transition. Transition leads to one becoming a 'trans woman'...which is something different. This difference is not expressed legally or in the minds of good liberals like myself, but in a series of medical, social, financial, romantic, familial costs which - taken together -. slowly chip away at the individual's hapiness and leads to a nagging - or sometimes overt - dissatisfaction with being a transwoman.


I am sure that can happen. On the other hand: I get a lot of reports from crossdreamers who transitioned later in life, and who do not regret it, in spite of the challenges they meet.

If we had all the facts we might do a simple life happiness calculation, I guess:

+ Calculate the intesity of body dysphoria
+ Add the intensity of the need to present and live as a woman
+ Add the negative health consequences (physical and mentally) of not being able to live in harmony with your sense of self
+ Substract unhappiness caused by social ostracism
+ Substract unhappiness caused by possible loss of family and friends
+ Substract the degree to which you will not be able to pass
+ Substract negative medical effects from transitioning
+ Add the level of your personality's ability to not give a damn as regards what people think

This is, of course impossible, as none of these variables can be measured scientifically, nor are the indicators comparable.

Nor does the calculation take into account that for every loss (loss of friends and family), there might be a gain (new friends, new family).

But I guess one could use such a list to make an educated guess as regards how this will work out.

What scares me is that for some people, especially those with a strong gender dysphoria, transitioning is a matter of life and death. The dissonance is so great that they cannot take it anymore. And this also makes it hard for us to ascertain to what degree transitioning is necessary in some trans peoples' lives. A signifcant part of the needed sample is simply no longer with us.




 

Last Edited By: jackmolay Jan 15 17 1:47 AM. Edited 1 time.

Quote    Reply   

#4 [url]

Jan 14 17 9:37 AM

"+ Add the level of your personality's ability to not give a damn as regards what people think" - This is the key to everything. People who should know about such things, constantly tell me to my face.and online that my transition looks like no other late transitioner they have ever known. If I were to put that into a single word, it would be "audacity". This journey is not about trying to fit into somebody else's stereotype of womanhood, but rather it's about having an outside that authentically reflects what is inside your soul. Nothing else really matters, even the opinions of other trans people. Yes, if you transition, you will be trans and not a cis female. The day you come out, you cross over from a very conventional life and join the counter culture. Some late transitioners are shocked by that, but I actually thrive in it. Being trans fits with my rebellious nature, but it ain't for everybody. You really can't care what others might think, or even better yet, you should really enjoy being a rebel.

Quote    Reply   

#5 [url]

Jan 14 17 12:07 PM

April,

Don't think that your ideas have no impact, April, because I always think about you when I think about transition and passing issues and your philosophy of not caring what people think. It is one I admire..but unfortunately - as a vain and insecure wimp of a man, I'm always worried about what people think. And then there's my son who, at 13, has lots of strong opinions on everything I do and say.

Last Edited By: FelixC Jan 15 17 2:03 AM. Edited 1 time.

Quote    Reply   

#6 [url]

Jan 14 17 12:13 PM

Logical Vulcan,

It's a free for all, Logical Vulcan, (curiously, I'm just watching the Star Trek movie and getting angry about the idea that you can be taken prisoner by an advanced technology people and still execute an old fashioned jail break and start walking around their compoiund withoput detection... AS IF!... It's the same in the new star wars movies...Hans solo + others are sneaking around a huge enemy facility.. HELLO!...MOTION DETECTORS?...BODY HEAT DETECTORS?...CCTV...? they don't exist in these worlds or what..? they can build a frickin death start but don't have basic surveilance technology)

Anyway, if you wanna use femaphilia then go for it.

It was bloody incompetent of me not to discover that gynephilia was already in use but i just couldn't imagine anyone would want it. I'm quite into 'genva' which is hideously uncatchy but...hey ho.,,.,.

Last Edited By: FelixC Jan 15 17 2:06 AM. Edited 1 time.

Quote    Reply   

#7 [url]

Jan 14 17 12:16 PM

Jackie-baby,

It's funny because I am actually facing something a bit like an equation. A friend of mine sent me this cool new service to do quizzes and surveys...so I decided to apply it to my 'Should I transition test?'... but it's devilishly tricky working out what numeric importance to attach to each question. So, _I know I'll create a shitstorm of protest on Reddit when I publish it...but, still, i think it's useful to ask all those questions...as long as there's a massive disclaimer as to the un scientific result.

Last Edited By: FelixC Jan 15 17 2:06 AM. Edited 1 time.

Quote    Reply   

#8 [url]

Jan 14 17 12:53 PM

Hello Felix. I appreciate you taking the time to visit and post here. I can relate to so much of what you have said, and your reasons for not being willing to transition are pretty much the same as mine.

This is the body I have. This is the hand I've been dealt in this lifetime. It will just have to do. I've made it this far ok, I can make it the rest of the way.

Quote    Reply   

#10 [url]

Jan 15 17 2:05 AM

Josie...

It's funny you say 'in this life time' because I have this great project lined up for a sci-fi book which has an interesting theory about the origins of transgender women (clue: think other dimensions and other times.) Unfortunately, though...I just don't know if I can risk spending so long on a book that might not sell.

Quote    Reply   

#11 [url]

Jan 15 17 2:08 AM

On going unnoticed,

Thanks. I suppose one good thing about not writing anymore books on gender stuff is I will have to get my fix here...so I will be more sociable. Yes...read the Max essay...excellent stuff.
xx

Quote    Reply   

#12 [url]

Jan 15 17 5:25 AM

Who is Max Morris? I wonder....

Max Morris is an actor, known for Alfie (2004), Griffin & Phoenix (2006) and Mother's Day Massacre (2007).


 image

Joke aside, the book is worth reading. I see that I need some to prepare a discussion of the Richard Dawkins vs Stephen Jay Gould intepretations of evolution in a transgender perspective. I am more on the Jay Gould side I suppose in my sceptisism towards evolutionary psychology and sociobiology. Felix and Morris are closer to Dawkins (as is Blanchard and his friend Pinker!!!!).

I love it when we disagree, Felix. Happens far to seldom!

Last Edited By: jackmolay Jan 15 17 6:04 AM. Edited 3 times.

Quote    Reply   

#13 [url]

Jan 15 17 10:38 AM

FelixC wrote:
It's funny you say 'in this life time' because I have this great project lined up for a sci-fi book which has an interesting theory about the origins of transgender women (clue: think other dimensions and other times.) Unfortunately, though...I just don't know if I can risk spending so long on a book that might not sell.

I think you and I are on the same page here. I'll just say that I would buy that book, but if you don't think there is enough of an audience for it, I understand.

Quote    Reply   

#16 [url]

Jan 15 17 4:33 PM

Oh wow!

Welcome to CDL!

I really enjoyed many of your articles on your site. As for consistency, to paraphrase Ralph Emerson, it is the hobgoblin of little minds. I wouldn't worry too much about it :)

Quote    Reply   

#17 [url]

Jan 16 17 7:49 AM

Good to see you on here, Felix. As you know, I've engaged with your ideas several times on my own blog. In one post I drew a distinction - I hope correctly - between your views on the importance of passability and those of Monica P Mulholland, whose goal is to accept the reality of being a “different kind of woman”, a transgendered woman, to celebrate that status and to concentrate on the achievable target of being “the best transgender woman” she can be.

I must look at the Max Morris essay. Judging by the sample page online, his thinking is close to your own. As is his style.  

Quote    Reply   

#18 [url]

Jan 16 17 11:39 AM

FelixC wrote:
April,

Don't think that your ideas have no impact, April, because I always think about you when I think about transition and passing issues and your philosophy of not caring what people think. It is one I admire..but unfortunately - as a vain and insecure wimp of a man, I'm always worried about what people think. And then there's my son who, at 13, has lots of strong opinions on everything I do and say.

Felix, Having children does present a problem. I have only a grown daughter from a fling in my youth who I didn't have a dialogue with until my early 40s. I have two step children, but they were largely grown by the time I became involved with their mother. My parents were both deceased by the time I started to deal seriously with my gender issues. I have 3 siblings, but I can't say they have had much impact in my day to day life for decades. In regards to old friends, I guess looking back on things, their opinions didn't really matter that much either. My attitude was simply that if they didn't accept the new me, they weren't worth keeping as friends. That really only left my wife, and that was indeed a major concern. Her opinion was the only one that mattered because I was changing the very essence of our relationship; and it still remains to be seen whether our new evolving relationship will work. As far as casual acquaintances go, I don't care at all what they think as long as they give me my space. In fact, I have repeatedly said I sort of thrive in the trans identity, as well as standing in the full light of day perfectly open to the world about who I am. A while back I said on susans.org that "I would rather be fabulous than pass", and I wasn't trying to be comical. There is definitely an overlap between those two ideas, but they involve different priorities. Much of passing involves the idea of blending-in and submerging one's uniqueness in order to embed oneself in the cis world. The idea of being fabulous means standing out regardless of what may come from the extra scrutiny. I much rather be all of April than just be a woman. The idea of living a rather non-descript life in cis womanhood is way too boring for me. I am both a rebel and a bit of an attention whore. I am in the process of rebuilding my entire life to accommodate who I really am instead of trying to fit into somebody else’s view of who I should be as a woman.


image 

Last Edited By: April Feb 9 17 7:30 PM. Edited 3 times.

Quote    Reply   

#19 [url]

Jan 16 17 2:19 PM

To everyone...

As a labour of love, I had to translate the original Max Morris essay from French. I couldn't resist translating it in my own style...of course!!! Obviously, Max is a pen name...but in answer to your question he's a profesor of entomology and a confirmed crossdreamer....but alas... he can't be lured to forums etc...

Quote    Reply   

#20 [url]

Jan 16 17 3:56 PM

FelixC wrote:
To everyone...

As a labour of love, I had to translate the original Max Morris essay from French. I couldn't resist translating it in my own style...of course!!! Obviously, Max is a pen name...but in answer to your question he's a profesor of entomology and a confirmed crossdreamer....but alas... he can't be lured to forums etc...

Could you give a link to the original text? Je préfèrerais quand même le lire dans le texte et dans ma langue maternelle...

Quote    Reply   
Add Reply

Quick Reply

bbcode help