Yes April like yourself my dysphoria always centred around (a) my body and (b) my behaviour.
I was so pathetic, policing my body language all the time to 'pass' as a male. But the core right from the very beginning as a kid was how my body felt., just wrong.
And socially I like being accepted now as a women, I should have been born as one, I like it when people smile at me or stop to chat with me. I am far more comfortable, more relaxed, more at peace now than I ever was. I am a far better person now than I ever was, because the 'old me' was never real..
I always thought of my male 'act' as like a suit of armour (bit like Iron Man) created to protect the real me underneath it, that poor wee girl who never had a chance as a kid.
Funny thing, some people think I am fairly feminine (whatever that is I am deeply skeptical about such things), but all I did was stop acting 'male' and relax and be myself.
The endless pressure to 'act male' all the time, to fit in, heck even just to survive. it was horrible. So that wee girl, a real nice wee kid too, got shoved into the closet.. Very smart and very empathetic (maybe too much). Much of my life I felt like 'stranger in a strange land' with all these people I was supposed to be like (males) and I had almost nothing in common with them..
Even much later in life, when I had my 'act;' well honed, I'd always end up talking to women at parties and social occasions. I had so little in common with the guys with their narrow interests, their shallow and crude emotions (at least public displays that is) .
Women, especially smart women, were far richer emotionally and far deeper, far more balanced and real. They were the ones I related to.
And the endless feeling of wrongness about my body, it never felt right. It didn't look right. either I have so few pictures of myself back then...I avoided them like the plague
And some things from that time I don't regret, the adventures and things I did ...but realistically I'd have done them as a woman as well (maybe not pushing it quite to the limit s as I did though, there was some self destructiveness there) .
When I sat and watched the sunset from the top of Ayres rock (breaking all the 'rules') it was with a Swiss cis woman travelling alone in her VW Combi all around Australia.
I so regret not transitioning in 2000 as I thought about, I was at my very peak then, energy, intelligence and experience all combined ...that would have been an amazing decade I could have had as the real me.