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Nov 15 16 3:25 AM

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Nadine over at Unordinary Style has crunched the numbers from the posts over at the Crossdressers.com forum and found that the majority of spouses of that forum's members are accepting the gender variance.
Of the 458 members I have included:

363 did not leave the relationship upon the reveal
280 are at least somewhat accepting
29 are in what is called a Don't Ask Don't Tell situation
45 didn't leave but are not accepting of the partner's gender variance
23 are accepting genetic women
74 are partners who left because of the gender variance
20 left but not because of the gender variance


Moreover:
84% of partners did not leave the relationship upon the reveal
74% percent of the partners are at least somewhat accepting of the gender variance, which could range from DADT to full inclusion and acceptance
68% would be considered to be openly accepting of their partner's gender variance
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#2 [url]

Nov 15 16 11:41 AM

I know that a lot of crossdreamers have to be reminded of this, when the loneliness threatens to bring them down. There is someone for everyone if you manage to find them.

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#3 [url]

Nov 16 16 2:48 PM

If the spouses social identity doesn't change, then this isn't so surprising... I wonder what the stats are for spouses of transitioning TG women

Note I ask this without any judgement.on either party.

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#4 [url]

Nov 17 16 12:57 AM

I guess it goes to show that people are more accepting and understanding than we give them credit for, especially when the person in question is someone who is already emotionally invested in us. Our fears are often just a case of us projecting our own insecurities on other people.

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#5 [url]

May 17 17 1:54 PM

When I came out to my wife about my cross dressing she was pretty accepting of it, but in the discussion she mentioned not wanting to stay if I transitioned. It certainly isn't unreasonable for this to be a bridge to far for them due to being both physical and emotional changes. For me I find my cross dressing quite a satisfying outlet, I think that transition would not make me as happy as my wife and kids

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#6 [url]

May 18 17 12:01 AM

For me I find my cross dressing quite a satisfying outlet, I think that transition would not make me as happy as my wife and kids


If crossdressing makes you happy and helps you cope, that's good.  Being with the family you love is also an important part of the equation. I guess what it all boils down to is how hard and intense your gender dysphoria is.

It is hard to blame a woman that married what she thought to be a man, find it hard to imagine being married to a woman. I get it. Some women do accept such a life changer, though.

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#7 [url]

May 22 17 10:17 AM

These are very interesting results. I know my wife was very accepting when I told her. It also was big weight off my shoulders and I have generally been happier since she doesn't care if I dress around the house. It is also quite less stressful because there is no fear of getting caught. But yes I did fear she would want to leave me when I told her. Knowing the results of this study before I told her probably would have helped me be more confident in telling her sooner.

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#8 [url]

May 22 17 7:07 PM

PipX wrote:
If the spouses social identity doesn't change, then this isn't so surprising... I wonder what the stats are for spouses of transitioning TG women

Note I ask this without any judgement.on either party.

My wife (soon to be ex) told me yesterday (on the phone) when I admitted that, although I have no near term plans, I might want to transition. And indeed I might. I just want to be happy in my own skin and if that means transitioning, that's fine. For her, though, she tearfully told me that if I do transition she may very well never want to see me again. That hurt. A lot.

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#10 [url]

May 23 17 3:12 PM

Yes it did, Jack, but the hurt is decaying with time. And what's most frustrating for me is that she is unable to express what she finds so troubling about me. We tried exploring this with her therapist, my therapist, and both her and I in a meeting some months back. She just found it all very threatening, and pulled back defensively. I've tried so hard to gradually and calmly show her things, as if through this she might see it all as less of an issue. But she refuses. It's like she just wishes is would go away and we could return to our marriage. To me this is what is most tragic since, at this point, having worked out our divorce details and my having driven away, I am not inclined to return to the old status quo under any circumstances.

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#11 [url]

May 23 17 4:11 PM

My situation has been complicated and remains so. I have alluded to some of it here in the past, but I don't know if I am at a point where I can talk about it in any greater detail. But I will say that if you could measure an SO's reaction on a one to ten scale, with one being "oh, that't no big deal", and ten filing divorce papers, my wife's reaction was about 23. Until she came to her senses a few months down the road, she pretty much tried to destroy me in a every way she could, with huge impact on our joint finances. That led us to living apart for almost a year before reconciling. At this particular point in time, I will say that I am still married and living with my wife. Yet we are in sort of a wait and see mode, taking one day at a time.

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#12 [url]

May 23 17 8:27 PM

Wow, April, I'm so sorry to hear this. That had to be so awful for you, to live apart like that. My wife also suggested I move into an apartment and I refused. I felt like it would be like checking into jail. Good for both of you that you're back together. I hope it works out well for you both.

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