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I am not saying that this is something all male to female crossdreamers have in common, but it would be interesting to know how many of you have had similar experiences.
The harassment continued for some nine years of schooling. It was not until high school I came to the point where I actually looked forward to going to school.
My crimes were plenty:
1. I was pretty good at the reading and writing part or education. I loved books, which made me a loser in the eyes of my tormentors.
2. I hated sports and was copletely useless in the gym. I was the kind of kid that was chosen last in any line for any game.
3. I was an introvert, and at the time very shy. (I am an intovert still, but the shyness disappeared as soon as I got out of the hands of the bullies)
4. I was sensitive.
5. I liked to draw and make stories.
6. I hated fighting and believed conflicst should be solved by talking.
Yeah, I do see the pattern. If I had been born a girl all of these traits and interest would have made me a social winner. The bullies recognized this, of course, which is why one of the call names they made for me was -- would you believe it -- "girl". (Oh, the irony of it all!)
I guess this is why I have come to acknowledge the role socializing play in crossdreamer repression and suffering.
I learned something else from my tormentors. You do not have to bully someone every single day for it to work. The very threat of bullying is enough. The very knowledge that today they may come at you again is enough.
I rember three of standing, in every break, up against the playground fence, at the look out for violence: the overweight kid, the thin one and me.
As is often the case, us nerds/geeks/losers win in the end. None of my tormentors has made much progress in life. One even killed himself. I have had a successful and meaningful career. But I still struggle with what those nine years has done to me.
Again: Not all MTF crossdreamers have had this kind of life experience. Caitlyn Jenner, for instance, had a completey different trajectory, being the popular sports star. Crossdreamers are as unique as regards personality, abilities and interests as cis people. But I know that for some of us, the female side definitely reinforces the perception people has of us, and in a hypermasculine setting that can be devastating.