...If you are transitioning, and you look like you are enjoying it too much, then something is seriously wrong.
...I don't fit nicely into any of the usual categories, and that probably explains why my transition doesn't look like other late life transitioners. I tend to think that this is largely because I care great deal less about what others think about me. than almost every other trans person I know personally. I am not trying to keep anybody from my old life on my side. I am not trying to win public support. I am just going to be me, and let everybody decide if they want to come along or not. But I have always had a very rebellious nature and have been fiercely independent.
April! thank you SO much for this contribution... i am so inspired by these thoughts. i have been "growing out" or "coming in" or whatever you call it now for about a year... before that i was a closet cross dresser, hiding, sneaking, stealing, lying... guilty of all that... so rightfully ashamed... and confusing all that shame for the actual wrong i was doing with shame for why i was doing the wrong, which was just... to dress, and be a me that needs to be.
in my profile i describe some of how the recent past has changed me... i no longer steal clothes, i have no one to lie to about my dressing (except when it comes to work, where casual conversation so often forces me to keep a "poker face")
the last couple of weekends i've taken another step, which is to go out... there is a great LGBTQ scene near where i live (60 miles away) and three times i've spent the evening at the Bars, dressed, in makeup, heels... it's been WONDERFUL and i've met several Drag Queens... but something is a little off, and what you wrote is enlightening. i am SO happy to be free! to be birdy... but i can see that many folks seem to be keeping me at arm's length, somehow reticent to accept me... maybe it's what you say. i don't seem unhappy or tragic enough.
i don't think that i am a woman in a man's body, i don't even accept the dominant culture's concept of "man" and "woman" actually. the way i feel is integrated, whole... i feel like a male... males are not necessarily men... biology tells me that in fact, males and females are differentiated forms of the same archetypical form, which is female. two "X" chromosones is female, one "X" and one "Y" is a male. What is a "Y" but an "X" with one leg missing? this is what i mean. we are not the "same" but we are different versions of the same thing. we are DEFINITELY not opposite sexes. my maleness is an expression of a deeply female essence. they had to invent new words to hide that from us, to divide us up, to own us, to make us do what we would never otherwise do to and with each other (kill, exploit, injure, own, control, etc.) one of those new words was "Man" and the other was "Woman". "Man" to me is a social identity that conforms to the dominant culture's limits of dominance and submission... odious concepts to me. i eshew hierarchy and struggle to find a way to live that is free from that. the dominant culture demands that we identify as either/or and i refuse to give my allegiance to that paradigm. i have a wooden statue of Don Quijote on my desk LOL.
free. that is what i mean to be, free as a bird. sailing through April's skies :-) and sharing the view through Deborah's eyes :-)