Personally, I have never been professionally diagnosed by I do believe I am dysphoric because I strongly match 3 and 4, and to a lesser extent 2 and 5. [...]This desire is perfectly synched with my crossdreaming comes to me in waves of highs and lows. As it increases I feel an sense of euphoria by thinking of myself as a female but eventually this feeling starts to turn obsessive and all I can think is "I wish I was a girl."
Thank you for sharing that. It sounds very familiar, although, for it to get to a degree high enough for me to understand what it meant, it took many years, and I'm still somewhat unsure. The waves of highs and lows too, very familiar. During the "highs", when single, I'd seek no-strings-attached male partners online, then during the lows I'd go back to "hetero mode". During the highs, with a partner, I'd simultaneously think it was normal in the situation to
feel like a woman (I'd shave and I wanted to act feminine) but, at the same time, I would have to keep the degree of womanhood in check, to hide it at least partially from partners that would sometimes explicitly tell me that they didn't like it. A huge, huge blind spot. Maybe this is why for me I think it would be as important to be seen and treated like a woman as much as to look like one.
Francesca, I'm certainly no expert on dysphoria, so I can just give an opinion. What you described does not seem like dysphoria as I understand it. It seems like sexual desire (and there is nothing wrong with that!)
I agree, maybe it isn't dysphoria in itself, but it's certainly a demonstration of a female-like lust :) Nothing wrong with it in itself, I love it, it just comes as a huge distraction in a moment when I am trying to have a rational conversation to figure out who I really am and where I am going to go. I am comfortable experimenting with just about any aspect of my gender, but only as far as shame does not take over and manage to slow me down or stop me, at least for now. not to mention the rest of my life (girlfriend, work...). On the contrary, these fantasies come from a place in my spirit where I have already been a girl for a very long time, a 100% girl, who loves make up and turning on guys and getting ravaged, and doesn't care much about anything else. Her power scares me.
First, normal sexual desire of man. You have not this expirience right now and it is existing lack. Probably pro-active top role of your girl-friend in sex can help you.
I don't know, Eva, my girlfriend is definitely not the masculine type. I am really blessed in having such an amazing partner, but expecting from anyone who is not naturally inclined in that way to be as good a male partner in bed as she is a female would be too much. :) But you may be right, and we are working on it :)
p.s. In other post Jack already wrote about fresh research of "pornography addiction" and probably that kind of addiction just not exist.
Really curious about reading it :) I recently saw a few studies making the point that in general the idea of any "chemistry" (brain or otherwise) being addictive in and of itself is wrong, and that until there are distressing life circumstances, people can make regular use of any drug (from alcohol to heroin) without it causing a dependency, or causing any disfunction. Which resonates a lot with my experience, as I have been an "occasional" almost anything (drinker, smoker, drug user) for my entire life, and never ran into troubles, no bingeing, no attachments. But these studies I read make the point that if you are in stressful life circumstances then you could develop addiction, and I have to admit that I have used pornography, in the last year at least, as a conscious refuge from a period of extremely dull professional life, from which I currently have no escape. And, unlike cigarettes, which I could smoke right now and forget about for as long as I like, I have to admit that, in absence of pornography, when I am bored at work, I feel "a void to fill". It may very well be that I feel this emptiness because pornography has been a gateway to my discovery of being trans, after all I didn't feel dependent on pornography until I started with the "sissy stuff". But it's also true that, even though I felt it didn't cause any trouble, pornography has always been my favorite indulgence as an adult. So I have to be very careful on this one.