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May 16 17 6:36 AM

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I'm writing this to introduce myself to the group. For a name, I'll call myself Sara for now. I've noticed a number of feelings written by others that strike a chord with me, so here goes.

I recall confusion back to when I was probably 4 or 5. I didn't feel like a boy. I didn't like sports, so didn't connect with other boys easily. My body made me wonder; my butt was big and my shoulders weren't, so I felt like I was shaped more like a girl. I discovered my mother's lingerie drawer, and enjoyed trying things on when I was home alone.

I recall a sleepover in a friends basement very fondly. We had gone to bed and he thought I was asleep, so he started sucking my penis. I was too young to orgasm, but it felt very good, and I enjoyed the submissive feeling of being taken over by him.

After hitting puberty, I discovered masturbation. I enjoyed this, but generally didn't have fantasies about penetrative sex. I think masturbation became an escape from my feelings. It felt very good and I didn't have to think about what was really going on in me. I often have fantasies where I am the submissive person.

I dated girls and my first sexual contact was mutual masturbation. My first opportunities for intercourse were not successful, in that I could not keep an erection for penetration. While I have since been able to "perform" with other women, I have continued to have difficulty keeping and erection throughout my adult life. In recent years, I have wondered if this was my body's way of telling me I am in the wrong role. My sexual confusion has brought me to have some gay sex as well. While I don't necessarily like men, I do think I like the idea of him being in control of me.

As I have continued to deal with these feelings as an adult, I dig deeper and look for answers. I am glad to run across your site, and hope to learn more about myself through your experiences. Thanks!
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#3 [url]

May 16 17 10:23 PM

Hi Sara!


It does seem like many of the posters here enjoy playing submissive roles sexually.  I have even seen a few talk about how they relieved alot of the stress crossdreaming brought them by playing the submissive role in BDSM.  I am sure those posters would be glad to discuss and share some of their experiences!

Anyway, Welcome to CDL!


PS: Maybe its because I am an anime geek but I love your avatar!




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#4 [url]

May 17 17 4:01 AM

I am glad to see you here Sara!

Much of what you write here sounds familiar. I must admit that i have found much of the whole penetration thing alienating. For a male bodied person this is supposed to be the pinnacle of human pleasure, and I has felt close to nothing. I have come to realize that this says very much about my sexuality and identity.

There are fortunately so many other and much more pleasurable ways of having sex, transgender or not.

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#7 [url]

May 19 17 4:59 AM

Welcome to the CDL, Sara!

Your mind is software. Program it.

Your body is a shell. Change it.
Death is a disease. Cure it.
Extinction is approaching. Fight it!

© "Eclipse Phase" by Posthuman Studios

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#9 [url]

May 24 17 1:51 PM

Welcome Sara,
I share some similar experience as yours. I found myself trying to be submissive when in bed with women and found out two subs don't work well, ha! Biological or TG women same experience. I like being submissive to a masculine guy. Hopefully we can all share experiences and cut down on the learning curve as we search for what is right for each of us individually.

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#10 [url]

Jun 5 17 9:54 AM

Welcome Sara,

I too have had similar experiences in the bedroom. I categorize myself as primarily heterosexual, so I square that with my crossdreamer and also submissive side in a couple of ways. Your mileage may vary of course! I find it pretty satisfying to focus on giving my partner pleasure, so seeing her getting turned on turns me on. Trying to establish that feedback loop can be very helpful! Secondly, when in the bedroom, I focus on my partner's femininity and biologically female components. Being close to them makes me feel closer to femininity in general, which helps to stimulate and excite. 

It is hard though, and I've had my fair share of challenges. I wish you the best luck! And welcome to the forums!

-P

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