Monique wrote:I am sorry, I can be thick sometimes. What is it about the ideological battles here that force you to use Monique as a third person? Why do you have to face these issues as a man, at least here? Why can't you be Monique? I get into those battles from time to time and I still am mostly Vaydra here.
There are two reasons in my case. I have started to talk about myself in third person on this site due to all the wordly issues and ideological battles that have to be fought here of late. Stuff that relates to this reality and deals with the survival of our civilization. And yeah, concrete stuff like avoiding more white women getting raped by swarthy men than already is the case. It's man stuff so you better face it as a man, and I loathe having to do it. So even if this site is called "Crossdream Life" and you get the impression it ought to be a haven for some part of you that you cannot display in public, I have begun to use third person in order to separate my female self from the outer male person that I'm forced to use on a day to day basis. So you guys know who is doing the talking at the moment.
The other reason is the one you describe. If I opened that Pandora's box the little foothold I have left of public human decency would collapse and I would end up a shunned and isolated freak by friends and family and people around me who have invested in me and rely upon me. I just don't need the pain, not to mention theirs. In sum, I can only become Monique after I'm dead. It's what I'm waiting for. I hope I get to die as soon as possible so at last I can be free.
And, forgive me but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least say something, but waiting to die to be free is a horrible gamble. There is no guarentee of an afterlife, and if there is one it might not even be anything like what humans have conceived. It is possible that you could end up losing any chance of being yourself at all.
I am not saying that you should risk losing all you hold dear, but at the very least you should find somewhere you can let this part of yourself out. In this life.
I know we are coming from near polar opposites ideological points, but we still do share this condition. In in a way, all of you know and understand a part of me in a way no one else can. A part of me that I can never reveal to anyone I know in my offline life. So, hearing you say that you can only be you after you die, I don't know what to say.