Lead

Apr 18 17 3:23 PM

Tags : :

I have lived my life as a straight male, exclusively having female sexual partners. I have always found them attractive and my libido has driven me to desire sex with them. However, I have always had issues performing. This is despite actually being pretty relaxed in bed.

Lately, I am beginning to suspect from chatting with doctors that my problems lie deep in my psyche: specifically, my dysphoria.

Does anyone else share a similar issue?

Quote    Reply   

#1 [url]

Apr 18 17 3:37 PM

Just for context: I am entirely oriented toward women, so if I was to transition I'm as positive as I can be that I'd be a lesbian. I've had a healthy and varied sex life with women since I was in college over 40 years ago. That said, though, my passions that were so intense at the start of relationships tended to ebb with time. I envied their femininity and wanted them to take a more active role with me. I thus started to fantasize while I was having sex as a way to enjoy myself and perform. But over time this also wasn't enough, I needed more.

With my first wife (I've been married twice) she reluctantly allowed me to wear panties or a nightgown, which helped a lot. But she didn't like it and I, trying to chalk it all up to some sort of shameful fetish, immediately took them off after the act.

My second wife would have nothing to do with any of this. We haven't made love for the last 4-5 years of our relationship. At first it was my normal pattern as described above. Later, after I came out to her as trans, she didn't want to have anything to do with me in bed, and we slept in different rooms.

So I can well imagine that your gender dysphoria is a big issue, and I suspect it's that way for many of us. Let's face it, our gender and sex-orientation are some of the most fundamental aspects to our being human so it's no surprise.

Quote    Reply   

#2 [url]

Apr 19 17 7:44 PM

While I've been straight my whole life, I do perceive myself being with men if I become a woman. But your are right about gender and sexual orientation. That said, I think the woman in me is just that strong.

My partner would be accepting of my transgender nature. The problem seems to lie in my preference for men from that regard.

Quote    Reply   

#3 [url]

Apr 20 17 3:18 AM

I sometimes wonder if this may be caused by some kind of psychological dissonance or mix-up. We are expected to perform as men (as defined by our culture), but a fundamental part of us expect us to have sex as women. This is not only very confusing, but every time you have sex as a man you are also reminded of the fact that you are not a woman.

For some MTF crossdreamers this is not much of a problem. They use their imagination to bridge the gap. But for those closer to the dysphoric side this can be a turn-off, unless they find a partner who understand and accepts where they are emotionally and sexually,

Quote    Reply   

#4 [url]

Apr 20 17 6:58 AM

I can total relate to this for years I would suffer from premature ejaculation just because of the fear of not performing to satisfy my wife as a man, as with any thought, if she know anything else she would leave. Even though at that time I didn't know how deep my dysphoria went and how it has gotten worse over the years. But with aging there's the getting it up syndrome which kicks in, more recovery time and need more stimulation from the wife, but before I know her touching would make you dysphoric it didn't help. But I did go though a bad bout of ED which I still have but vigra has helped when I need to reset.

But I have been working on the last 18 months on different styles when I feel more on the male side I am happy to go on top, and when the wife is more in the mood I now let her go on top, but it helps being OUT to her. I am more relaxed in I don't have to pretend premature ejaculation has now stopped, I am learning that it's not all about getting it up and taking my time is now as more enjoyable than it was.

But I still have a long way to go in my sex life, still only 50 so still got some years left in me and I have never had to imagine anything when making love to my wife to dysphoric to have time.

Quote    Reply   

#5 [url]

Apr 23 17 4:26 PM

jackmolay wrote:
I sometimes wonder if this may be caused by some kind of psychological dissonance or mix-up. We are expected to perform as men (as defined by our culture), but a fundamental part of us expect us to have sex as women. This is not only very confusing, but every time you have sex as a man you are also reminded of the fact that you are not a woman.

For some MTF crossdreamers this is not much of a problem. They use their imagination to bridge the gap. But for those closer to the dysphoric side this can be a turn-off, unless they find a partner who understand and accepts where they are emotionally and sexually,

Aptly put. With my first girlfriend, I had a very hard time performing because  I had trouble getting motivated by the thought of sex with women. With my current girlfriend, sex is fine for the most part because I imagine myself being a woman. It's jarring when I realize that I am thinking about being penetrated by a man.

I've become a master at hiding this. Albeit, these days I am increasingly finding it difficult to keep it a secret.

Quote    Reply   

#6 [url]

Apr 23 17 4:35 PM

fyonab13 wrote:
I can total relate to this for years I would suffer from premature ejaculation just because of the fear of not performing to satisfy my wife as a man, as with any thought, if she know anything else she would leave. Even though at that time I didn't know how deep my dysphoria went and how it has gotten worse over the years. But with aging there's the getting it up syndrome which kicks in, more recovery time and need more stimulation from the wife, but before I know her touching would make you dysphoric it didn't help. But I did go though a bad bout of ED which I still have but vigra has helped when I need to reset.

But I have been working on the last 18 months on different styles when I feel more on the male side I am happy to go on top, and when the wife is more in the mood I now let her go on top, but it helps being OUT to her. I am more relaxed in I don't have to pretend premature ejaculation has now stopped, I am learning that it's not all about getting it up and taking my time is now as more enjoyable than it was.

But I still have a long way to go in my sex life, still only 50 so still got some years left in me and I have never had to imagine anything when making love to my wife to dysphoric to have time.

I have been strongly considering coming out to my partner lately. Just last year, she came out as being bisexual. In fact, she goes as far saying that she would prefer women if it were not for me (a testament to how she finds me attractive and loving rather than settling). That said, she is only able to be sexually satisfied via penetration. She often jokes that that pre-op transsexual would be a perfect partner for her. You can imagine what I think when I hear this.

Writing, this I suppose it's only fair to tell her. She would more than likely accept me for who I am. The problem is that I would prefer men as a women. Needless to say, this is hard to reconcile.

Quote    Reply   
Add Reply

Quick Reply

bbcode help