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I actually knew this five months ago after seeing a therapist, but the last couple of weeks of dysphoria really hit it home. I'm a transwoman. My wife knows (and several of my friends). My family doesn't. But my wife...OMG it's better than my 'best case scenario' that I'd come up with. 

Although 'what now?' is still a question to be answered, I fully expect at least to go on HRT, and surgery will probably be necessary at some point. 
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I am too, and just yesterday drove off newly divorced from the love of my life. We both still care for each other so deeply and yet she has trouble coming to terms and acceptance of me as transgender, and also wants me to be free to explore and be my authentic self.

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I can empathize. I just made the plunge and contacted a counselor about my dysphoria. Never in my life have I talked about this with anyone. Not even my fiance, who I love dearly knows. She will accept me for who I am but I am just so afraid to change things.

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ahumanfoil wrote:
I can empathize. I just made the plunge and contacted a counselor about my dysphoria. Never in my life have I talked about this with anyone. Not even my fiance, who I love dearly knows. She will accept me for who I am but I am just so afraid to change things.

Good for you to reach out to a therapist. I'm almost 61 and spent many years in therapy for my depression but was so ashamed about what I know now are my transgender feelings that I didn't admit them. Somehow I thought that I could keep the depression and my feminine envies and desires separate. Now I know differently, that's for sure!

I do have another piece of advice. Since you mentioned your fiance I am hopeful that you will tell her all that you know about yourself before getting married. I tried to do this, and told my fiance (later, my wife) that I liked to crossdress occasionally. She reacted so negatively and insisted that I throw it all away and that this issue would never come up again. At the time I honestly felt I could make that promise but of course I was unable to maintain it. At least, as we were married for 20+ years, I knew that I had made my best try to tell her what I knew (which was precious little in 1995).

Your fear is very understandable on all sorts of levels. Ever since I was a child I was so ashamed of my feelings. I told no one out of utter fear of rejection. Now that I've done so much work with my therapist over the last 3 years I've told (as of today) 27 people (friends, family, professionals, business acquantences)! But I remain fearful as I take steps to push myself further in my explorations. 

I came across this yesterday that may help, at least a little: https://zenhabits.net/fear-mastery/
 

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Jasmine wrote:
I actually knew this five months ago after seeing a therapist, but the last couple of weeks of dysphoria really hit it home. I'm a transwoman. My wife knows (and several of my friends). My family doesn't. But my wife...OMG it's better than my 'best case scenario' that I'd come up with. 

Although 'what now?' is still a question to be answered, I fully expect at least to go on HRT, and surgery will probably be necessary at some point. 

Congrats on reaching this point!  And I am so glad your best case scenario came true.  What ever you decide to do next know that your siblingsin dream are here for you!

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#5 [url]

Emmasweet wrote:

ahumanfoil wrote:
I can empathize. I just made the plunge and contacted a counselor about my dysphoria. Never in my life have I talked about this with anyone. Not even my fiance, who I love dearly knows. She will accept me for who I am but I am just so afraid to change things.

Good for you to reach out to a therapist. I'm almost 61 and spent many years in therapy for my depression but was so ashamed about what I know now are my transgender feelings that I didn't admit them. Somehow I thought that I could keep the depression and my feminine envies and desires separate. Now I know differently, that's for sure!

I do have another piece of advice. Since you mentioned your fiance I am hopeful that you will tell her all that you know about yourself before getting married. I tried to do this, and told my fiance (later, my wife) that I liked to crossdress occasionally. She reacted so negatively and insisted that I throw it all away and that this issue would never come up again. At the time I honestly felt I could make that promise but of course I was unable to maintain it. At least, as we were married for 20+ years, I knew that I had made my best try to tell her what I knew (which was precious little in 1995).

Your fear is very understandable on all sorts of levels. Ever since I was a child I was so ashamed of my feelings. I told no one out of utter fear of rejection. Now that I've done so much work with my therapist over the last 3 years I've told (as of today) 27 people (friends, family, professionals, business acquantences)! But I remain fearful as I take steps to push myself further in my explorations. 

I came across this yesterday that may help, at least a little: https://zenhabits.net/fear-mastery/
 

I am in the fortunate position of knowing that my fiance would absolutely accept me for who I am. My friends and immediate family are accepting of LGBTQ individuals. It's a matter of fear in changing my life and the difficulty coming accompanying it.

In retrospect, years ago I had the opportunity to come out to my parents as a teen. Pondering this the other day, I've come to regret not doing so.

My desire to lead a "normal" life has kept these feelings supressed for so long.

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