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Dec 3 15 4:56 AM

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 Here is a text I wrote as a comment to Felix over at /r/crossdreaming. I guess some of you may find this interesting, as well.

I have gotten a lot of sissy/feminization/shemale followers over at tumbr, for my Trans Express blog. I welcome them all. What I have learned from them is relevant to this discussion.

(And no, Trans Express is not a fetish blog. It is a blog I sat up to curate news for younger trans people of all shades and colors, crossdreamers included.)

Sissy blogs

Anyway, I have been going through some of these sissy blogs, and have come to understand that there are probably thousands of them. For me this is another proof of there being many more crossdreamers in the world that any current "experts" in the field are aware of.

The sissy-enthusiasts share images and "captions" mainly, and the favorite topics are forced feminization, forced sex and being reduced to a bimbo sex slave. In this the genre is much less diverse than other types of "TG fiction" and "TG captions", where we find everything from hard core porn to innocent romances.

The sissy blogs explore every sexist cliché you could possible think of, including embracing slurs like "sissy" and "faggot" with great gusto.There is an insanely amount of internalized homophobia and transphobia here, and the conflict between these attitudes and the deep felt desire to be a woman with an active sex life, is resolved by turning the humiliation into a turn on.

I have written erotic TG fiction myself, so I do get it. So this is not the part where I will start condemning all these blog makers as perverted fetishists. In fact, I embrace them as family.

Dream journals

I consider these blogs to be some kind of dream journals, ways for the bloggers to express and explore a side of them that is considered taboo, both by themselves and others.The fact that they fall back on the most misogynistic narratives of our culture is to me just another example of how the oppressive "cisstem" works. I am reminded of the old Italian joke:
"All women are whores, except my mum. She is a virgin."

And libidinous women are considered whores, so if you want to imagine yourself as a sexually active woman, this is what you become.

For me sexual fantasies are sexual fantasies. They are what they are, neither bad nor good. They simply express a side of ourselves that we need to acknowledge and hopefully be able to integrate into our lives.

Sexual fantasies vs. real life

But there is, and often should be, a wide gap between some fantasies and the real life.

To give one obvious example: Research indicates that up till 50% of women experience arousing rape fantasies. This does not mean that rape is a good thing, that they want this in their real lives or that men should be allowed to rape women.

The rape fantasies probably reflect an upbringing where lust is considered sinful or bad, and the rape resolves the guilt by adding an element of force. "It wasn't my fault." Alternatively the fantasies may partly be a reflection of a deeply embedded submission/dominance dynamic. But even that cannot serve as an excuse for real life rape.

In any case it is clear that we have to distinguish between the realm of fantasy and the realm of real life.

Most people do understand this. Even children get it. "I am a princess" means that in this dream scenario I am a princess, not that "I am the daughter of the Queen of Denmark."

Unfortunately some of our sissy enthusiasts do not get this, and this is where it gets toxic.

When sexual fantasies become political

I had an absurd conversation this week with one fetish enthusiast who actually believed that getting public support for being turned into a "bimbo shemale" should be considered as legitimate as transwomen getting surgery for their gender dysphoria.

I cannot even begin to express how insanely offensive this is to all women, trans or not trans.

Sissy is a slur. Really!

In the real world, out there among cis and trans people, the following words are extreme slurs.

Sissy. A grew up bing called "girly" and "sissy" and various Scandinavian equivalents thereof. These terms were used to hurt, demean and discipline me, in the same way they are used every day to stop people assigned male at birth from exploring their feminine side. When you see that Ray Blanchard uses this word to discipline kids through conversion therapy, you know that it is evil.

Bimbo. I cannot believe I have to say this: Bimbo is the ultimate example for a culture that demeans and suppresses women, including crossdreamers who know they are women deep down. Go back to the Italian joke and you get the point.

Slut. Ditto. The fact that "stallion" has positive connotations and "slu"t has not, tells you everything you need to know about the hierarchies of genders.

Faggot. Don't even go there!

Shemale. There are apparently trans women who embrace this term, but they are few and very far apart. A trans woman with a penis is not a "shemale"; she is a woman, plain and simple. If she enjoys using her genitalia -- in any way imaginable -- she is still a woman. Women are not defined by what's between their legs, or how they use it, but what's between their ears. And if they identify as nonbinary, genderqueer, twin spirit, third sex; well, then that is what they are, not "shemales".

None of these terms can or should be used in a social or political struggle for crossdreamer or transgender rights or recognition.

Sissy fantasies cannot be a foundation for crossdreamer or trans activism

Which brings me back to the sissy blogs. Should these bloggers stop using these words in their blog?

Ideally, yes, but as I said: Writing fiction is, as crossdressing or role playing, ways of exploring your own psyche. Sometimes you need to bring light into the dark places of your mind.

But to use these sexist stereotypes as a basis for politics? Come on!!!

Last Edited By: jackmolay Dec 5 15 7:12 AM. Edited 8 times

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#1 [url]

Dec 3 15 7:28 AM

Jack, There are some sissy types that follow me on my twitter account. Demeaning attitudes toward themselves (and pretty much all women) are a very big part of their fantasies. I am suspicious that most of these people think of men as being at the top of the social hierarchy, and therefore self feminization means a loss of power. But I also believe, as you imply, that these people have internalized a lot of phobia. Yet I don't believe that the sissy thing is the only way that happens in the trans community. The obsession with passing and being stealth is another manifestation of the very same thing. If you are truly a woman trapped in a man's body and you can appear as such without anybody realizing differently, then you become "normal". I believe a lot of trans people are in rather conservative backgrounds and need some mental gymnastics to reconcile their internal feelings with their social environments. This is especially true of late transitioners. A lot of these sissy people seem to ooze T, just based on their comments. I am wondering how they appear with a little HRT.

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#2 [url]

Dec 3 15 9:51 AM

Crossdressing and submission as a male identified person does pose a challenge to "oppositional sexism". Male crossdressing blurs the lines between a mans (physical) gender and his gender expression (at least for a while). So the rigid coupling “men are masculine” and “women are feminine” no longer holds. One common motivation of wanting sissification might be to experience onself as something differently than the daily life masculine man.

But sissification in this form is forced and is used for humiliation. It still sends the message that femininity is something terrible to express as a male identified person. This is not something you would do voluntarily.

I do think one could in theory play with sissification in a way that would be subversive, i.e. acknowledge that you are playing with ingrained and destructive stereotypes.

But this is really seldom what I see in sissification.

Last Edited By: Natascha Dec 3 15 9:54 AM. Edited 1 time.

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#3 [url]

Dec 3 15 11:07 AM

When I started researching who I was 20 years ago sissy web sites were one of the few places online with fairly good transgender information. My initial searches on transsexual and estrogen lead me to them. It ended up a lot if not most of the people there were trans and not into sissification. Some also had chat rooms and the interactions I had then were critical to my mental well being. I probably ended up hanging out at one particular site for 3 or 4 years. I imagine that a lot of confused cross gendered people still start out there. When ever I come across someone who claims to be into sissification I always try to ascertain if they have any gender dysphoria and if so try to steer them elsewhere.

Lindsay


"The thing is you see what you want to see and you hear what you want to hear, dig?" the Pointed Man

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#4 [url]

Dec 4 15 4:42 AM

jackmolay wrote:
This is not the part where I will start condemning all these blog makers as perverted fetishists. In fact, I embrace them as family.


 

yes, I am very glad you say this, jack!

i think this embracing should be what CDL is about. I strongly oppose any 'authentic trans vs. perverts' division. everyone's sexual feelings are authentic for them. If their sexual feelings are considered culturally deviant, they deserve support.

we must not censor ourselves, or censor other crossdreamers, in order to conform to an image that meets with approval by the transsexual community.

a lot of trans politics comes down to a fundamental issue of political freedom. is it legitimate to censor and suppress people because you think what they do is bad for the collective image, because it offends your sense of collective identity? i say 'you are not entitled to do that'. you are entitled to dissociate yourself from others. feminists are entitled to dissociate themselves from post-op transsexuals, HBS transsexuals are entitled to dissociate themseves from crossdreamers, transsexual crossdreamers are entitled to dissociate themselves from sissies; but none are entitled to deny others a right to public existence, nor to be personally abusive. an individual has a right to transform their own body into a bimbo shemale one. no one need champion them, but no one is entitled to deny them their wish.

with regard to vocabulary, slurs are only slurs if they are intended to be slurs. everyone has a right to describe themselves as sissy, bimbo, slut, faggot, shemale. i don't find shemale offensive at all, unless used to describe someone who hates the term. many would not agree that it is 'plain and simple' that a trans woman with a penis is a woman. one term i do find offensive is pervert. i am shocked by the frequency with which the term is used by trans commentators to desribe eg fetishists.

jack writes 'Sissy fantasies cannot be a foundation for crossdreamer activism. None of these terms can or should be used in a social or political struggle for crossdreamer or transgender rights or recognition.'

i don't think many people would use these terms when engaging in serious political discourse. if they did it would be in a queer-style way - turning insults on their heads, celebrating deviancy. but what is crossdreamer activism? is it seeking acceptance as 'respectable' transsexuals? or is it supporting each other in feeling better about our crossdreaming? xx

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#5 [url]

Dec 4 15 9:02 AM

Thank you for many very interesting comments.

I should add that this text was written in the context of persistent attempts by a small group of what can only be described as political fetishist to take over the /r/crossdreaming subreddit. Some of you, who have been with us for a long time, remember wxhluyp, who monopolized this forum with extreme aggression, until we had to ban him.

He has been banned from /r/crossdreaming too -- twice!! -- but that does not stop him from attacking by proxy. I think his tactic is a bit like the one of ISIS: Remove the gray zone, make your opponent as extremist as you, and then use their aggression against you to legitimize your attack.

And in this case, the sissy culture has actually given birth to a political clique, a clique that wants to take over the crossdreamer narrative and sites in order to distance it from the transgender movement. In other words: To make the infrastructure we have all built to promote the theory of "masochistic emasculation fetishism", which -- as far as I am concerned -- is completely unacceptable.

This is why I believe it is so important to distinguish clearly between sexual fantasy and real life.

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#6 [url]

Dec 4 15 12:12 PM

Jack, I remember our old friend very well. I recall his annoying habit of trying to interpret everybody else's narrative as fitting perfectly with his own experience. I am highly suspicious of people who invest so heavily in universal-one-size-fits-all explanations. They remind of fundamentalist religious types, which fits very well with your analogy to ISIS. Over on reddit, there seems to be a lot of very dogmatic fanatics. There are also a lot of trans people who seem to be heavily invested in the gender binary, and have made themselves out to be transsexual police.

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#7 [url]

Dec 5 15 4:35 AM

@April

"There are also a lot of trans people who seem to be heavily invested in the gender binary, and have made themselves out to be transsexual police."

This is where post-structuralist "social construction" makes sense to me. We have a social system that in total punishes violations of the binary, for instance by punishing people assigned male at birth for being "feminine". The same system rewards you for following the binary.

Some desperate trans people therefore try to fit into this system, by saying that they really are non-transgender women trapped in men's bodies. Others go to the other extreme, accepts the sexualization of women and the pathologization of trans people and define themselves as "sissies". They may be "failed men", but they are at least not trans.

You know, this is a horrible tragedy.

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#8 [url]

Dec 5 15 6:33 AM

jackmolay wrote:
.
This is why I believe it is so important to distinguish clearly between sexual fantasy and real life.


yes, i certainly think this is very important. real life as a woman and rl transitioning are very different from fantasy.

crossdreaming is fantasy.

so fantasy - what is within it, and also the role of the fantasy within our lives - is what crossdream culture, crossdream life, is.  'crossdreamer activism' should be activism about fantasy. xx

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#9 [url]

Dec 6 15 12:08 PM

It seems like a lot of people fetishize what they are most afraid of. However, IME, sissies are not all the same. There are some who are actually MtF and others who just get off on the humiliation aspect of it without necessarily having trans feelings.

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#10 [url]

Jan 4 16 7:26 PM

Why I'm on this forum and respect for the people here...

Ok, I wrote a lot here, I know, but I wanted to describe who I am and what I'm feeling. There is a point at the end, so if you give it a chance I think it will make sense and be positive...

I've had "sissy" fantasies for as long as I can remember, even before puberty and before I even discovered pornography, but I've always been very careful not to get caught so I never actually got to act anything out (outside of my mind, but still alone) until middle school age. But anyway, the word "sissy" seams to describe this thing about me. 

Only a couple of months ago, I realized that certain IMPORTANT people in my life accept me, even if I was to transition. Ever since then, I've seriously considered it. Every evening I pour over the internet, watching videos, documentaries, reading forums, etc... I'm going to a gender therapist, wearing feminine clothing and makeup around people I trust, eating healthier and exersizing to feminize myself as much as I can. Wow! I never thought anyone would know anything about this side of me... but now I'm realizing that maybe they still don't know everything...

I understand the huge difference between a transgender person and who I am.
I understand people are gender varient for MANY different reasons. 

So being a "sissy", my gender varience has a LOT to do with arousal... but not entirely. For me, personally, I think it has a lot to do with loneliness and ability to believe that I could be accepted in a loving relationship: As a heterosexual male, I'm attracted to femininity... so if I'm attracted to my own form, that removes the complication of a relationship with another person. I can trust myself, but not someone else. So that's sex without fear. I find it very difficult to be genuine and open up to people. I'm sweet and kind, but I keep people at a distance even if they don't know it. I do. Actual sex just doesn't feel real because I can't let myself go and be emotionally vulnerable or exposed... The fantasy of being FORCIBLY feminized, takes the blame and guilt away from me because the decision is not my own, even though I am free to enjoy what comes from it. I don't have to feel shame or guilt about something that's forced upon me.

I also know that these things are NOT a good enough reason to transition. But, I can't stop being aroused by this fantasy, and every day, I wish I could play out this fantasy in real life. But at the same time I know I can't do this without harming myself by doing something that my research tells me that I'll regret. This feeling is something I have to control and I end up just feeling conflicted. 

Even though I have "sissy" fantasies, I'm still capable of empathy and strong emotions. When I saw the preview for "The Danish Girl" I was alone, so I could ball my eyes out at the fact that Lili's wife loved her and even helped her be who she really was. I don't know if I could ever find that kind of love or let someone see me for who I am. I think most people feel that way to a certain extent, which is why love stories are so popular.  

If I transitioned, I know I would go on hormones, but probably not get any surgery. However, even HRT is a very big decision with many huge consequences. And there are many difficulties I would have to face in my daily life. Even if I was confortable with my decision, there would be many people who would not be supportive and who would make my life more difficult. Maybe it would be even more difficult to find a loving relationship, and that already feels impossible. I may be able to look female, but not adopt the social aspects. There is also the financial cost and the necessity to stay on hormones for the rest of my life, etc... 

So even though I'm "sissy", I understand how many things transgender people overcome. They don't have a choice, but I do. I view transgender people as incredibly courageous. There is a lot of strength and honor that I admire in the transexual community. It's easy to love someone like that. In order to weather the storms that they face, transexuals HAVE to be courageous. I think that often makes them very beautiful people. 

Transition may NOT be the answer for me, but the answer for me may just being able to love myself and to accept REAL love from someone else. That may be difficult for me right now. And right now, I'm keeping up this charade of crossdressing because I just don't want to let go of the possibility of transition. I know I probably won't, but I just can't completely shut that out of my mind since it is filling an emotional void right now. If doesn't go away for a long time, I may re-visit the idea. Or maybe, I'll discover who I am and actually feel content. Maybe I'll meet someone special. I don't know... I'm just hanging in there and trying not to let my longing for a superficial solution guide my real-life permanent decisions. 

I only used the word "sissy" because I'm not sure if there is a more dignified word for this type of identification yet... or if there will ever be. Can being "sissy" even be dignified? Yes, it's about sex, but I'm not horny 24/7. If you're sexually attracted to the same sex, you are still afforded dignity as a person. Similarly, couldn't people who also have this "sissy" proclivity be dignified?  

But anyway, the only reason why I typed out this novel for everyone here in this thread is because I wanted to show that 
1) I am a "sissy" (in my mind) and I hope to understand and respect anyone who identifies as transgender or crossdreamer, etc.. (I respect your courage and strength very much). I recognize that we aren't so different, fellow humans. We each have variation, but really, we're all connected. AND
2) I may not be as strong and courageous to have faced something so persistent that I can't hide, but being a "sissy" doesn't mean that I can't be a beautiful human being with deep thoughts and feelings. 

Only peace and love to all of you because with each one of you out there, the world feels less lonely. You all make the world a better place. 
 

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#11 [url]

Jan 5 16 3:57 AM

Welcome to CDL, karmatoast!

//Transition may NOT be the answer for me, but the answer for me may just being able to love myself and to accept REAL love from someone else. //

Yes, this is the essential point for all of us, and in that respect love should be possible for crossdreamer "sissy enthusiasts" as much as for anybody else. No one should be defined as a person by their sexual fantasies. Both trans and cis people harbor the most amazing and unexpected sexual fantasies, and if we are to dismiss all of those who are outside the norm as fantasies go, there would not be many left.

I am still not convinced that there is such a thing as a purely fetishistic crossdreamer (in the sense that there are crossdreamers whose fantasies are caused by the kink itself), even if I am open to any good arguments in support of that idea.

What I do know, however, is that a lot of transgender people (in the umbrella sense of the term) and gender dysphoric transsexuals (in the more narrow sense), have entertained "sissy" fantasies. For many this is, as Julia Serano has explained in her book Whipping Girl, a phase they go through in their joruney towards self-realization. For others, especially those that do not transition, these are recurring fantasies that they bring with them to the end of their lives.

Serano believes (and I tend to agree with her) that these fantasies express a deeply anchored longing for being a woman. To use Felix' terminology, their core identity is female, not sissy male.

That does not necessarily mean that transitioning is the right thing to do (as you point out). Life is complex, and there are so many factors to consider. But the option should at least be discussed.

I have read my share of sissy stories and captions, and even made a few myself in one period of my life, but the more I accept my female side, the less enticing they become. If I try to write such stories these days, the "changeling" nearly always end up as an independent and strong protagonist, which -- of course -- goes against the fundamentals of sissy fantasies.

Nor did my fantasies start out this way. The earliest transformation fantasy I can remember, from back when I was around 9 or 10, was about being Supergirl, which even at that time could hardly be classified as a sissy girl.

Based on my own experiences I have therefore come to a conclusion somewhat similar to your own. Sissy fantasies are caused by loneliness, fear and a desire for a much less complicated life. The burden of being a crossdreamer and/or transgender can be a heavy one, so no wonder that we sometimes dream of a life where we could live out our sexual lonings, without any responsiblity.

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#12 [url]

Jan 5 16 8:54 AM

many thanks for an excellent post, Karmatoast!

when i fist joined CDL my impression was that it was a supportive space for anyone who has tg sexual fantasies. i definitely think it should still be that - as such it performs a very important function.

i think it's important that no one here feels defensive about having sissy fantasies, about not identifying as transsexual or not wanting to transition, no one feels less of a crossdreamer, less welcome here on that account.

a transsexual perspective, such as Julia Serano's*, like  'the enemies of transsexuals say it is all about sexual thrills, so even though we acknowledge the sexual arousal it's best to play it down' or 'the sexual feelings are a stage en route to something worthier and greater' is really quite different. it's not nearly so affirmative of the sexual aspect in its own right, and so doesn't make the people who regard their transness as predominantly sexual feel very good. xx



* these aren't her actual words: undoubtedly she is good writer and an important thinker, well worth reading. 

Last Edited By: Deborah Kate Jan 5 16 9:35 AM. Edited 2 times.

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#13 [url]

Jan 14 16 10:21 AM

Increasingly I'm transitioning into a radical feminist, "Queer Theory" -- and dressing more and more like Dr. Judith Butler, Ph.D. Berkeley. Except I have longer hair, and earrings.

image

Alias WunderDirt is Allison --
Allison Wunderland's Transcend Dance -- AllisonTranscend.blogspot.com


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#14 [url]

jackmolay wrote:

None of these terms can or should be used in a social or political struggle for crossdreamer or transgender rights or recognition.



Actually, I agree. I pretty much consider myself a slut bitch whore, but I would never dream of making this an object of "recognition". Why should I go around begging for their social acceptance? I don't need it.

"We live only to discover beauty. All else is a form of waiting."

- Khalil Gibran


If I cannot be a feminine traditional woman, what's the point of being a woman?

- Me

Last Edited By: Monique . Edited 2 times.

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#15 [url]

There is an inside view here and an outside one. As I have said before, when it comes to tastes, we are an eclectic group. Somebody else's thing might not be my own, but we all need to respect our differences.

The problems tend to occur when we universalize our experience and project that onto others. This is easy enough for any of us accidentally to do. I have no doubt that I have been there myself a few times. Those of us who are more or less living openly as trans have the added dimension of having to deal with tranphobs, who love to cut paste the narratives of a few and universalize them over the entire trans population.

For me, my cross dreaming was always a coping mechanism for other issues in my life. That is my truth, but I know it isn't necessarily everybody else's experience. Some people here have suggested that cross dreaming is a thing onto itself, independent of other issues. This is not my experience but who am I to say that they are wrong; it's their truth. I have also heard people saying something like their identity is defined by their sexuality. Again, that is their experience, and not my own. We can all accept these differences among ourselves, but it becomes way harder when the messaging is going out to a highly transphobic society who will take part of us, make it all of us, and then interpret what that all means.

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#16 [url]

These are classic methods to avoid the issues 'I am being forced to do what I really want to do' sort of thing.

Very common amongst cis women (I had 2 partners that were like that), closeted gay men, lesbians and bisexuals as well. Repression leading to fantasies about others 'forcing' you to escape from that.

They are usually not a big deal and can lead some to end up facing and coming to terms with themselves. However if they become endemic and a sustained avoidance mechanism then they can cause people problems and might be an idea to seek some therapy..

Surprisingly common, ask any female dominatrix (I know a few) about the number of clients they have with ''forced feminisation' fantasies.

Not all are really trans fantasies by the way, quite a few of them are actually gay ones, but (due to their internal homophobia) the only way they can express it is by imagining them being 'forced' to be a woman to have sex with a man (which is what they really want).

Funny thing the old mind..... So sad that even in this era we have so many people with all this suppression of themselves. It is 2017, if you want to have sex with a man go and damn well do it...ok you are bisexual, so what, a heck of a lot of people are, it is actually not a big deal.

As for those using this sort of thing to avoid dealing with their gender issues...I see them as the saddest of all, get some professional help to work yourself out.

To add to the honesty I had lots of sexually submissive fantasies...but never as being forced to be a woman, I was always a cis women in them. Funnily enough in actual sex, even with men, I am quite assertive.....in fact for awhile (back in my part time days) I had lots of men who wanted me to dominate them....and that is yet another subset of sexual fantasies.... Lots of men fantasise about a dominant 'shemale' to screw them....go figure, they really want a man to do it but it is too challenging for them so they imagine this 'sort of' woman doing it because that is 'safer' for them psychologically.

Oh the tangled world of sexuality.....

Added: There were so many men like that coming onto me  I could have made a business out of it...like a friend of mine does.. Amazing.

Last Edited By: LisaM . Edited 1 time.

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#17 [url]

Thanks, April. I'm against universalization as well. I'm not like everyone else here, I'm just being me. And so is everyone. There is an inside and outside to the themes on this site, yes. I'm wholly on the inside and as long as I'm not exposed, transgender rights and transphobia isn't an issue for me. For the same reason, I feel no need to "prove my true essence as a woman, I just look like a man on the outside", which is one of the dominant preoccupations here. I don't care if I happen to have a man's soul or whether I'm a man now. Knowing I want to be a woman is enough for me, and I don't care if it's justified, right or wrong.

That does not mean of course that I'm against transgender activism as such (that would wholly depend) or I would like transgender people to be discrimanted against. I think outgoing people like you are brave and have lots of guts. I don't have that kind of guts though. I'm a coward. I'm much too spineless, soft and sensitive to criticism to take some kind of stand in the open. But I don't care about that either. Blame it on me being too effeminate. smiley: wink

LisaM, I don't have that kind of fantasies where I need to be forced to be a woman. Like you, I'm always a woman in them from start. While bisexual, I'm also mainly attracted to men, or at least that's how I have ended up over the years. ln other words, no coercion needed to accept myself. I'd jump right in with a big splash! If I already was a booted domina in a tight rubber hiphugger dress and opera gloves though, I'd love to force my rubber slaves into bisexual acts of perverse faggotry with each other. But that's another matter, hehe. smiley: wink

Kisses,
Monique

"We live only to discover beauty. All else is a form of waiting."

- Khalil Gibran


If I cannot be a feminine traditional woman, what's the point of being a woman?

- Me

Last Edited By: Monique . Edited 2 times.

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#18 [url]

"If I cannot be a feminine traditional woman, what's the point of being a woman?"

There are a million ways to be a woman. I grew up with and partnered with strong independent women, I think of myself in that way. Don't get me wrong I love to glam up for a special night out,,,but it (except for that) been ages since I last wore a skirt. For me being a woman is just feeling right, what I wear is irrelevant to that....well not quite, push up bras and having some cleavage with my small boobs is nice and all my jeans are of the skinny type....a little bit of vanity.....lol.. And my hair ...ok I am vain about that...

My biggest fetish is red tops..so much so that I am getting rid of many of the other colours...And it is weird, not about the red always from a young kid my favourite colour, but I just want to be accepted ...then I stand out all the time with all these red tops....lol. Hmmm..

But a glam out night, love sheer tops, leather skirt, push op bra, sheer stockings...moderate heels (got rid of all my 4+ heels ages ago) , hair done up, spend a lot of time on my makeup ...and yes I feel good....just like 95% of cis women...who nearly always complain that they never have enough opportunities to glam up by the way. Women like to glam up, they like to look and feel sexy and attractive, they just don't want to have to do it everyday...then it becomes a chore or a male expectation rather than some fun for themselves (and for their partners of course, but it amazing how many men don't want their women to be sexy).

I remember one girl friend ages ago who said to me 'you give me permission to be myself' because I liked when she glammed up...she had been put down all the time by men about dressing up and being sexy...and she wanted to do that to express her (quite aggressive too) sexuality....now and then of course.....the rest of the time she was smart, assertive, 'fight the good fight' and really wonderful woman.

A,million ways to be a woman.

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#19 [url]

LisaM wrote:
"If I cannot be a feminine traditional woman, what's the point of being a woman?"

There are a million ways to be a woman. I grew up with and partnered with strong independent women, I think of myself in that way. Don't get me wrong I love to glam up for a special night out,,,but it (except for that) been ages since I last wore a skirt. For me being a woman is just feeling right, what I wear is irrelevant to that....well not quite, push up bras and having some cleavage with my small boobs is nice and all my jeans are of the skinny type....a little bit of vanity.....lol.. And my hair ...ok I am vain about that...


Back up a little, huh. Maybe you totally misunderstand what I mean by "feminine, traditional woman"? Not saying you do, but it has happened before. Just for your information, it includes the demimonde/femme fatale/vamp type of woman, among others. And Monique's no little niffie from the 1850's. She's a city girl. She's got a lot more in common with "sexy ladies, from the 80's, being indiscreet", than some innocent nancy picking flowers and being cute. Alright? Yes, there are a million ways to be a woman, that's what traditional femininity means: to be an actual, real woman, for instance, like straight out of a film noir. Not some bastardization of womanhood with hair dyed a poisonous red and a lot of trash metal in your face, screaming about "rape culture" on campus. Cause there is only one type of those anti-woman clones, not a million, and it's a basket case.

Yes, I'm an essentialist. I believe there is something as femininity in and of itself. It's not a social construct. And it certainly wasn't invented by men. It comes from within the female creature if left to her own devices (if you happen to have a lot of female within you, congratulations, you know it!), and not being so indoctrinated all the time with how she is supposed to be in order to be morally passable in our day and age.

Reason why I personally don't use terms like "strong, independent women" (not that a real woman - of whom there are a million ways to be - has to be one) is because the face metal squad have long since laid claim to them to describe themselves. While often being nothing of the kind, no less.

Good you like to glam up. If I could, I wouldn't leave the house without my war paint on.

"We live only to discover beauty. All else is a form of waiting."

- Khalil Gibran


If I cannot be a feminine traditional woman, what's the point of being a woman?

- Me

Last Edited By: Monique . Edited 8 times.

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LisaM wrote:


But a glam out night, love sheer tops, leather skirt, push op bra, sheer stockings...moderate heels (got rid of all my 4+ heels ages ago) , hair done up, spend a lot of time on my makeup ...and yes I feel good....just like 95% of cis women...who nearly always complain that they never have enough opportunities to glam up by the way. Women like to glam up, they like to look and feel sexy and attractive, they just don't want to have to do it everyday...then it becomes a chore or a male expectation rather than some fun for themselves (and for their partners of course, but it amazing how many men don't want their women to be sexy).

I remember one girl friend ages ago who said to me 'you give me permission to be myself' because I liked when she glammed up...she had been put down all the time by men about dressing up and being sexy...and she wanted to do that to express her (quite aggressive too) sexuality....now and then of course.....the rest of the time she was smart, assertive, 'fight the good fight' and really wonderful woman.
I think I know something about who these men often are. If I can guess, I'd say they tend to have alpha traits and they're the kind of extroverted, industrious men who cherish typically "manly" pursuits, like hunting or - above all - sports, more than they like women. In fact, their erotic desires are rather shallow. Sex is above all just a physical need, a troublesome urge that has to be dealt with, and to quench it you unfortunately have to have access to women. They see nothing of the profound magic in the erotic and care very little, actually nothing at all, for beauty in the world. They only play to win, and indeed, they not seldom end up on top. If American at least, they sometimes also think of themselves as "red-pilled" and profess to be "conservative", while that's actually just an ill-fitting label they put on a free-ranging individualism and ingrained laissez-faire values. They don't have to be bad people of any kind, of course. They're just the kind of men women often think they want, and me personally would never like to have anything to do with.

What do you think?

"We live only to discover beauty. All else is a form of waiting."

- Khalil Gibran


If I cannot be a feminine traditional woman, what's the point of being a woman?

- Me

Last Edited By: Monique . Edited 2 times.

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