Bobbi Dare wrote:
Thank you for posting this Monique - at 16:55 when Nora talks about how she was emotionally unraveling due to her guilt over the gender deception I started to get all choked up. Many of the feelings she describes I can identify with from both sides because I do not really conform totally to either male or female thinking. That retreat she went to where guys were getting their internalized anger out - fuck I would have been uncomfortable there too. And I understand how it is to have to repress emotion as a guy around guy friends, growing up I had examples of what could happen to you if you were too effeminate since the gay guys at my school were constantly picked on. I learned to internalize all of that over years so it becomes easy - but Nora found it hard due to her upbringing which allowed such expression.
The social interaction with the woman in the coffee shop she was trying to pick up as Ned stood out for me as well. Women do have all of the control over that interaction and I have experienced that sort of hard rejection from women. Conversely when I am out as Bobbi, even if the guy is an obvious tranny-chaser and sort of creepy, I will not do that so harshly - unless they go too far like grabbing my ass or something. Cause I know what it's like to be on the other end of that.
But you know - talking to women while out as Bobbi is easy - I just start talking and they respond.
Loved this reply, Bobbi. We seem to have a lot of shared life experience. Growing up I always felt sorry for the gay weaklings who didn't know how to handle it, like we mostly succeeded in. I wanted to hug and kiss them tell them it was alright, but you couldn't do that or the alpha bully eyes would be on you. Yeah, repressing emotion, tell me about it! Even now, and unlike Nora, with a lifetime's experience in how to harden that dismal male shell, feeling how it grows into us, stunting us, it's a constant detail requiring attention. Almost daily as I go off to work I feel how I have to recaliber my attention to become the "man", and as I get home, I sometimes congratulate myself on how well I performed. Now they're confused; now they'll never find out who I am! And then it takes some time to come down again and feeling safe enough to slip back into Monique.
While her reaction to getting face to face with male emotional repression is a typically feminine one - "men above all need each other" (I'm not so sure about that!), she's right about one thing, the huge deficit in and men's urgent need for love, affection and tenderness. Ever since I deeply realized this, I've increasingly felt that my calling - that our job as women - once we get to another world, where everything and everyone is a lot more beautiful, where we can truly metamorph into Bobbi and Monique (not just "transition" more or less on the surface, like here) - is to provide that affection, appreciation, encouragement and emotional support to men. Not least - in my case at least - also that sweet, sweet pleasure. Hecatombs of it, and not just to one man, but A LOT of men.
This is what I want to become:
Hell, the nice men
don't need another man. They need a woman!
"Conversely when I am out as Bobbi, even if the guy is an obvious
tranny-chaser and sort of creepy, I will not do that so harshly - unless
they go too far like grabbing my ass or something. Cause I know what
it's like to be on the other end of that."
Precisely. And maybe that's just the thing that in comparison to the usual lot around here could make us into extraordinary women. Potentially. A true compassion for men. Some New Age people think Earth life is kind of a school. If so, and we were put for some kind of reason, for instance to unlearn something, so we could desire to be what we were meant to be, it looks like one helluva shock treatment crash course!