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Apr 26 16 11:18 AM

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All my life I've kept my crossdreaming a secret.
But lately I find myself taking more chances, the kind that might get me seen.
I'm thinking it would be nice to get it over with and let people know,
so I can live as myself, out in the open.

But part of me is still afraid...

I'm not afraid to be seen, I'm afraid to be judged.  
I know, I know, who cares what other people think, right?
But it seems I do care...

Last Edited By: Kippi Apr 26 16 11:59 AM. Edited 1 time

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#1 [url]

Apr 26 16 11:47 AM

Kippi,

I understand completely what you are saying here.  I can relate.  Of course we care what others think of us.  We all wish to be liked, and treated with respect.  I think that is quite normal.  I have come out to only my wife, and that was very scary.  The thought of coming out to other family, friends and colleagues is terrifying and I doubt very much if I ever will.  I admire so much those who have done it.  I think more and more in these modern times, TG people who come out are excepted and supported by their family and true friends.  But it is always a risk.

Perhaps you could do it gradually…. choosing an especially understanding and open minded person to come out to in confidence.  If that goes well, then expand the circle.  Whatever you do, I hope so much it goes well for you.

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#2 [url]

Apr 26 16 7:26 PM

Kippi wrote:
All my life I've kept my crossdreaming a secret.
But lately I find myself taking more chances, the kind that might get me seen.
I'm thinking it would be nice to get it over with and let people know,
so I can live as myself, out in the open.

But part of me is still afraid...

I'm not afraid to be seen, I'm afraid to be judged.  
I know, I know, who cares what other people think, right?
But it seems I do care...

Whatever you decide, I am sure you will make the right choice.  

 There is not much I can do to support you physically, but if you (or anyone needing support here) needs an ear to bend I am here for you!

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#3 [url]

Apr 27 16 7:18 PM

Cindy wrote:
Perhaps you could do it gradually…. choosing an especially understanding and open minded person to come out to in confidence.  If
that goes well, then expand the circle. Whatever you do, I hope so much it goes well for you.

I think that's the easiest way to do it. I started with one person, though I'm only out to a handful of people, and you guys of course.

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#4 [url]

Apr 28 16 3:25 AM

I am out to my wife a year ago which we all know is hard but time is a heeler . I come out to my dad 6 months ago which was fantastic he was so good better than I could ever expected and closer concidering he caused me to hide . But on the negative side come out to my mum a couple of months ago and see hasn't spoke to me since, yet she Facebook my wife all the time.

I just wanted to share the ups and down to all of navigation of life. Only you can understand the risks but for me I feel so much less stressful and tension but still so much hard work to be done so not all gone.

Not out to my work colleagues which, do I need them to know I am different, I have got this far and it's nobody's concern what I do in my time.

I wish you the caurage and your destiny.

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#5 [url]

Apr 28 16 3:53 AM

Yes, it is really hard...and outcome unpredictable. Perhaps full acceptance, probably rejection. But if you don't try, you never understand it, and will be live in doubts and loneliness. I completely agree with Cindy, try make it gradually. It is best option.
For me coming out in front of my wife, was difficult decision, i'm wait 2 months between my desicion to make it and coming out. And finally i got partly acception, no we still study live together with that my condition.

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#6 [url]

Apr 28 16 9:19 AM

Kippi wrote:
All my life I've kept my crossdreaming a secret.
But lately I find myself taking more chances, the kind that might get me seen.
I'm thinking it would be nice to get it over with and let people know,
so I can live as myself, out in the open.

I am so surprised how strong the drive to be out and open about my gender is now that I'm letting go of years of shame and denial! It does seem like I, at least, am not fundamentally built to keep this secret and need to work at it.

Do you mind if I ask what sort of chances you are taking? I find myself doing things like taking my shoes off under my desk at work while my toenails are painted - it's more comfortable, but there is also part of me that wants them to be seen.

How would you live as yourself, out in the open? Would you transition? Present androgynously? Or are you just looking for people to know and accept you for who you are? (Obviously feel free not to answer if these are too personal!)
But part of me is still afraid...

I'm not afraid to be seen, I'm afraid to be judged.  
I know, I know, who cares what other people think, right?
But it seems I do care...

It makes sense. We are social creatures. I agree with others, gradual is best. Having a couple of people on your side as a support system is really important. Communities like this help too, to know that you are not alone, others are going through similar things, and we are not bad, we're just wired differently.

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#7 [url]

Apr 28 16 10:38 AM

If I hadn't taken steps to transition, I am not sure I would have come out, but my opinion on that has been very much influenced by what has happened to me in the last two years. Yet I do recall feeling incredibly isolated and alienated by the disconnect that existed between what I felt inside and how people thought of me. I wanted so badly to just tell one person, so I didn't feel completely alone. Yet I am sure anybody around me wouldn't have fully understood what it meant to be a crossdreamer. Even in the midst of transition, most of family and many of my former friends can't really comprehend who I am, or what I am going through. Some haven't even given me the courtesy of letting me explain myself. They simply made their own conclusions, and cut all communication with me. My two brothers are included in that group. I know this idea of gradually coming out sounds appealing, and in theory it is, but people tend to just run with something. You can say you experience "X", and people will automatically think that also implies "Y" and "Z". You also can't control who will know. Several family members decided to blab to everybody else. Just expect that to happen.

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#8 [url]

Apr 29 16 9:25 PM

Do you mind if I ask what sort of chances you are taking? I find myself doing things like taking my shoes off under my desk at work while my toenails are painted - it's more comfortable, but there is also part of me that wants them to be seen.

Nothing dramatic.  Things like walking through the more exterior-visible parts of my house wearing heels and yoga pants.

I just received my copy of Julia Serano's Whipping Girl.  Would reading that at the local coffeehouse count as taking a chance?  (Maybe not.  I'm in Seattle.)
How would you live as yourself, out in the open? Would you transition?

Probably not.
Present androgynously?

Yes.  I already do this to some extent.  I've let my hair grow long and often wear androgynous clothing in public.  No dresses or skirts, but I like to wear things not too different from what many women wear when they go jogging.  3/4-length tights, a tee shirt, and baseball cap: with my slender frame the effect is definitely androgynous.  

I've also begun wearing feminine necklaces and bracelets, but nothing ostentatious.  One of my "chances" is the blue butterfly necklace that I'm using for my avatar here.  Part of me has been hoping someone will notice it peeking out of my shirt collar and ask about it...
Or are you just looking for people to know and accept you for who you are?

This, mostly.  But I have a little red dress I would love to wear to the next neighborhood barbecue, and three-inch heels really do make my legs look nice.  :P
(Obviously feel free not to answer if these are too personal!)

Too late!

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